But, alas! I thought constantly of my beautiful life of other days—so calm—so happy; and I thought of Parvati, who perhaps was sad and ill-treated, and whom I might have defended. Had she forgotten me? Or, if she thought of me, must she not accuse me of ingratitude? And, had I not been indeed ungrateful, to leave her as I did, because of a wicked jealousy?...
So, in spite of all the kindness by which I was surrounded, I was very, very sad.
[CHAPTER XXIX]
THE RETURN TO PARADISE
One day the "Grand Circus of the Two Worlds" arrived at Bombay. I was by this time at the end of my endurance—overwhelmed by mortification....
I, the "King-Magnanimous," before whom a whole nation had prostrated itself—I, the fierce warrior, who had shed the blood of the enemy, restored a King to his throne, and had been the loved companion of the most beautiful of Princesses—to be reduced to exhibiting myself in-grotesque parades to astonish and amuse the public!...
Ah! how hard life seemed to me! How lonely I felt among these new companions, in spite of their kind treatment of me!
As I was never to see Parvati again—never return to my lost paradise—why should I prolong my sufferings?