As soon as the bride takes her seat, the bridegroom enters and sits too, in front of her according to one school of etiquette, or beside her according to another. They are attended by waiting-women, by children, or by the go-between and his wife only. Two trays each are set before the new couple. The plats which have each a special significance it would take too much space to describe here. But the most important part of the ceremony takes place after the trays have been carried in. A set of three flatfish wooden cups are brought, and the top or smallest cup is filled with the consecrated sake which has in the meantime been taken down from the dais and poured into a couple of iron or bronze pots with long handles. It is handed to the bride who drinks it; the same process is repeated twice, so that she drinks from the cup three times. Then the bridegroom, too, drinks three times from it. The second cup is next given to the bridegroom who again drinks three times and is then handed to the bride who does the same. Finally, the third and largest cup is set first before the bride and then before the bridegroom, who each again drinks three times. Thus, both the bride and the bridegroom have drunk three times from each of the three cups. This process, which is called “three times three,” constitutes the essential part of the ceremony and joins the two in wedlock.
THE EXCHANGE OF CUPS.
(FROM A PICTURE BY SUKENOBU)
When they have exchanged cups, the bride and the bridegroom retire and change their dresses. They then enter the room where the wedding guests are being entertained. They receive their congratulations and sit with them for a while. They are expected to eat and drink with them; but they retire before long to the bridal chamber. The go-between and his wife assist them and come down afterwards to report to the assembled guests that the happy couple have been put to bed. The guests then take their departure shortly after this announcement.
Next morning the bride is up betimes to send a messenger to her father to announce that the wedding has taken place without a hitch; and the father too, before the arrival of the messenger, sends to ask after the welfare of his daughter and son-in-law. He sends presents to the members of his daughter’s new home. She receives the congratulations of her friends.
On the following day the friends and relatives and their wives are invited to the bridegroom’s house, when the dresses and other articles brought by the bride are exhibited. The guests are entertained often till very late at night. The bridegroom sends rice-cakes to his father-in-law who distributes them among his friends and relatives. On the fourth day after the marriage, the bride goes to her father’s house and stays there a day or two. After her return to her husband, her father invites the young couple and the friends and relatives of both families to dinner. This gathering is called “the unbending of the knees,” because the guests are expected to unbend themselves and stretch their knees and legs which they kept rigidly bent during the marriage ceremony and subsequent parties. They sing and dance and enjoy themselves without constraint. This is the last of the gatherings connected with the marriage. During all these ceremonies the exchange of presents is interminable so that a marriage in the regular style is very expensive, and people of moderate means curtail the proceedings as much as possible. Some even have weddings in a tea-house, especially if their own houses are not large enough to seat all the invited guests. It has become the fashion of late to hold the wedding ceremony in a shrine in imitation of the Christian marriage service at church.
THE BRIDE’S CABINETS.
(FROM A PICTURE BY SUKENOBU)
It will be seen from the above brief account how much a Japanese marriage differs from a European. The reader who considers that free choice is essential to a happy marriage, will naturally wonder at the employment of a go-between and the comparatively passive part played by the parties most concerned. It is true that the young couple have little opportunity of knowing each other before they are joined in wedlock; for the short time, often half an hour or less, for which they see each other before making a definite decision can hardly be said to afford them an opportunity of mutual acquaintance full enough to inspire them with confidence in the momentous step they are about to take. The knowledge of each other that meeting is supposed to give them is of the most superficial kind; for besides the shortness of time, the consciousness of what is to result from the meeting naturally puts the two on their best behaviour and prevents their being caught at unguarded moments, which alone can give any insight into their character. In their prim and stiff attitude, it is only their personal appearance that can be considered; but even that is disguised on the girl’s part by the paint and fine dress she has put on for the occasion. The intended lovers have in fact to trust blindly to luck in their bid for conjugal happiness.
But there is, on the other hand, something to be said for the go-between system. Free choice is certainly most desirable when the lovers are old enough to have a definite knowledge of their own minds and may be expected to make a judicious choice; and upon the marriage of a man over thirty with a woman of more than five and twenty, the parties would not deserve much sympathy if they subsequently found that they had mistaken each other’s character. But in Japan we marry young as a rule, men being under thirty and not unfrequently a little more than twenty and women at the latter age or less. If they were left to themselves, they would be as imprudent in their choice as those of the same age would be in other countries. They would, if pleased with each other’s looks, be quite content to take their chance of the other elements that go to make a happy marriage; and only by bitter experience would they discover that they cannot live on love alone, but that divers worldly considerations must be taken into account. Many a life would, as in countries where marriage is freely contracted, be blasted by an early imprudent marriage, which is with us obviated in a great degree by the employment of the go-between. The father of the young man or girl, in looking for a suitable partner for his child, would naturally have prudential considerations foremost in view; the one would wish for a girl, well born if possible, but certainly educated enough to be a worthy ruler of the household, while the other would be equally anxious to have for his son-in-law a steady young man who would always be able to maintain his family in comfort. And the go-between, by looking himself or through his friends for an eligible partner, would be able to search on a far larger scale than would be possible to the unaided efforts of the father and his child.