You could treat others with consideration and give them shrewd and kind advice. But for Lili’s dangerous period you did not concern yourself. You allowed fate to shatter her beautiful existence. You never stretched out a hand to protect her. For Lili’s sake I cannot help hoping that there is a resurrection after death, a place “where nothing is dishonoured, where all is love.” To such a place Lili belongs. I have chosen a grave for her, looking south, where flowers will flourish, and have done it in my name.
To-morrow, I shall send you the necessary business details—a death certificate referring to heart disease—even if I have to write it myself.
I have opened the window. The river is as blue as it used to be at home in light nights. Here it is the moon that makes it blue. If only I had the power I would lay Lili in a boat and let her drift out to sea.
Elsie Lindtner.
LETTERS FROM LILI ROTHE TO THE MAN SHE LOVED
I have accumulated so many letters from you. To-day another has come—a letter from you to me!
Thus I know that you still think of me. And it does me good to know it. I go about thinking of you always and always, and it makes me happy. I want nothing different and nothing else but to be allowed to love you.
The letter ... in my hand, in my possession ... you, who understand what it is to love, will know how it is when one loves. Every trifling thing becomes a heaven and an earth.
The letter in my hand ... that means holding minutes of your time. Time is life. So I possess a bit of your life. For you the minutes have vanished, like raindrops sunk in the ground; for me they have imperishable qualities; they are like seeds that send up shoots and more shoots, to be nourished by the sun and moisture of my love.