"Well, it turned out a beautiful night, and the meetin'-house was packed to the doors. Everything went off as neat as a pin when we once got the Readin' goin', but the committee had consid'able trouble at the start. First there was the fuss I told you 'bout Mis' Thomson's pianer, and Hazel Perkins hed to hev her cry out on Freedom Cobb's shoulder, and then it turned out there wa'n't no ice for the water-pitcher; and those that hed reserved seats in the choir was in trouble. You see Miss Perkins hed put appleboughs along the front o' the singin'-seats and on top o' the organ. There must 'a' ben caterpillars' nests in 'em, and I s'pose the Decorating Committee hed et their lunch up there and dropped crumbs, but 't any rate the folks was kep' busy killin' ants an' caterpillars. One woman that was a stranger to me said she didn't cal'late to pay extry for a seat an' then be et up in it.
"The next thing was that Doctor Woodside couldn't be found to take the author up the broad aisle on his arm and hand her over to the minister. I was 'bout sick o' trottin', but I went out again and found him settin' in the graveyard as comf'table as could be, smokin' there on a tombstone, with the full moon shinin' on his white hair. He's one o' the smartest men in town, but some folks call him kind o' queer in the head. He does spend a good deal of his time in the graveyard, but Si says it's only natural because most of his patients is there! Then, as if that wa'n't enough, Vilruvias Bennett, that was sellin' tickets at the door, was called home, and they wanted Si to take his place, an' Si was huntin' after Almiry Berry's horse that had broke away an' carried part o' the meetin'-house fence.
"You'd heard Vilruvias's brother, Abel Bennett, died that night, didn't you? Well, did you know how suddent it was? He'd never hed a sick day in his life, so we hed no hopes of ever gettin' red of him; though there wa'n't a worse husband nor father nor neighbor in Bixby. His mother hed consid'able better 'a' named him Cain than Abel, but you can't never tell by lookin' at little mites o' bald-headed, red-faced things in cradles whether they're going to turn out Abels or Cains. Well, he'd refused to buy a ticket to the Readin', and he never would let his wife join the club; but about half-past six o'clock the very night o' the entertainment he eat a hearty supper of brown bread and pork and beans, got up and took his hat, kicked the dog and the cat and cuffed the children, which he'd done every night and mornin' faithful for twelve years, went out the side door and expired right there on the rubber door-mat where Mis' Bennett would have to step on him to get out; and it'll be easier for a camel to get through the needle's eye than for him to git int' the Kingdom, that's all I've got to say, and I'm a woman o' few words!
"Nobody knew what Vilruvias was called away for till after the Readin', so there wa'n't no excitement at the entertainment. The author said afterwards when the committee was givin' her a colation (it was an elegant one, too—lemon pie and jelly cake and marble cake and caraway cookies, and root beer and lemonade) that if she had known it she should 'a' ben afraid it was a bad sign.'
"'Not if you'd ever hed Abel Bennett for a neighbor,' said Si; and he was about right, though it sounds hard to say it, and he didn't but jest a few times!
"No, I ain't said much about the Readin' itself, for ef you're on a committee you're too busy to listen to anything that goes on. The author looked pretty and appeared pretty; she got on first-rate with Mis' Stevens, and gave her a book, with writin' in the front of it, that Mis' Stevens keeps on her marble-top table in the parlor. Si says ef Mis' Stevens ever wants to dispose of it the writin' will spoil the trade, but I tell him the author meant all right, and Mis' Stevens is too well off to sell a present that was give to her, anyway. The audience was real pleased with the author, and she said they was awful easy to read to, and awful quick at takin' a joke; but I told her it wa'n't no ordinary State o' Maine audience she hed in Bixby: a place that has its three churches and two settled ministers and four college graduates, an' a Readin' Club an' a High School and a drinkin' fountain! She said no, she couldn't expect to meet with such folks everywhere, but the remembrance of hevin' once enjoyed sech advantages would keep her up when she was hevin' hard times in other places. I thought that was real modest and pretty of her.
"She wa'n't no great reader, as I say, and she wa'n't no great writer for that matter, and I can't hardly see why they should make a fuss over her in the cities. Her stories might 'a' happened anywhere, most; they never did happen, I s'pose, but they sounded so natural and likely that it couldn't 'a' ben much work to write 'em down. I declare if she'd 'a' ben here this afternoon and took down what we've said, 'twould 'a' ben 'bout as good as what she read that night. I wouldn't wonder if I could write a couple of books a year jest like hers, but I don't s'pose it pays so well as goin' out by the day sewin', an', as Si says, we're in this world for a livin', not for notoriety.
"The next mornin' the committee went to the deepot to see the author off, and the four young men ushers was there, too, with the biggest and about the hombliest boquet I ever set eyes on! I don't hardly know how she could 'a' took it in her hand without changin' color. I got there first, and I was glad I did, for the deepot master hed forgot and laid out that old fly-paper all over the benches in the waitin'-room, and I hed a chance to yank it out o' sight and dust down the stove-pipe before she come in. Mis' Stevens looked real smilin' for once, and asked her to come back and make her a visit when it was cooler weather and her hired girl was over the whoopin'-cough.
"Mr. Hobson was there, and he handed her an envelope with two railroad tickets to Portland inside of it. It was just like him to buy the tickets and put 'em in an envelope; the other minister would 'a' counted the dollar and seventeen cents into her hand—and just as she was gettin' on the train the president of the Readin' Club stepped up and presented her with an album that hed the photographs of all the members pasted in it.
"Si says it ain't the handsomest club in the United States, even when it gets its best clothes on; but that's nothin' but a man's way of runnin' down women's clubs. We ain't all good lookin', to be sure, and most of the pictures was taken in country daguerreon saloons, where they don't flatter folks up much. I did kind o' wish Lowisy Burrage hed hed her new glasses and Aurelia Hanson her waved front piece before they was taken, but the author was too tickled for anything to git such a handsome present, and she said so; and says the president of the club to her, 'You ain't a mite tickleder'n we be to give it to you!' Then the train went off, the author lookin' back from the platform, the committee wavin' their handkerchiefs, and Mr. Hobson 'n' the four ushers swingin' their hats at her.