"I'll dine on snakes fried in burnin' oil,
An' dance till th' cows come home;
As an aftermath take a champagne bath
An' shampoo with a curry-comb;
All done up accordin' t' Hoyle.
"Then I'll hike t' bed with a great, big, head,—
Yellin': 'call when the clock hits four!'
An' I'll wait with a grin till th' 'call' comes in,
An' Brass Buttons knocks at th' door,
An' he thinks I'm sleepin' dead!
"Brass buttons 'tap, tap, tap' on th' door:—
'Millionaire, it is four A. M.!'
An' I'll bust that door with a Yukon roar:
Howlin: 'Say! d'ye know WHO I AM?'
An' I'll rouse 'em on every floor!
"W'en th' house comes runnin' up I'll yell:—
'WOW! I'm a millionaire!
I don't hev' t' get up, y' blankety Pup!'
An' the'r eyes stickin' out 'll stare,
While I send 'em plumb t' h——ll!"
P. S.—Billy Bird, millionaire, reached Winnipeg,
Where peroxide blondes pulled Billy Bird's leg.
You'll find him to-day in a Yukon s'loon
Slushin' beer to th' same old played-out tune:—
"O! them gurls they pulled my laig!"
INVITATION
I bring you a prairie greeting
Crested with sunlight sheen,
A picture of mountains rising
To snow-capped heights of green;
A call from the happy home-land
Where human hearts beat warm,
Where western corn-fields beckon
And shelter from life's storm.