“Madame,” I said to the mother, “how does it make you feel to have three of your daughters in prison at one time on political charges?”
The old lady was thoughtful for a moment and then, in a voice fervent and earnest, a voice I shall never forget, she replied:
“It makes me the proudest mother in all Russia.”
Shortly after my return to St. Petersburg I received the following letter. Like the others it had been smuggled out of the prison, as I afterward learned, through a chain of civil criminals:
I am very sorry that I could not speak more with you. The conditions of my arrest are heavy, because I am isolated and the soldiers are always at my window. During the three months of my arrest I have not once slept without my clothes—the soldiers keep looking in upon me all the time. I am embarrassed at each movement. You can understand how such constant scrutiny amounts to torture, for I cannot get rid of civilized customs to the extent of undressing before the eyes of men.
The physicians find it necessary that I should be quiet, and to walk continuously in the fresh air for one hour each day. The government gives me this hour of freedom, but under disagreeable conditions, owing to the curiosity of the soldiers.
If the people of America are interested in the fate of this Russian girl, tell them that they must rather interest themselves in the fatherland of this girl. The revolutionary movement here is now making for liberty. I want for nothing personally because for a long time I have not existed personally. My heart and my soul are given to this movement—the movement which is in the service of the people.
There is no basis for comparison, this solitude of the soul. The feeling of shame makes me shudder. It will not leave my memory, and can never be effaced. There is nothing with which to liken this torture of the pride, of the self-respect. This suffering is as poignant as the blows of my tormentors. The same hands that beat the hungering peasants caressed and slapped me!... Still, the government, with all its experience in lies, and its permission of illegal actions among its servants, will not succeed in rehabilitating these two men. They are condemned beyond recall, branded with the scorn of the people.
I was glad to see free people, from a quiet, liberty-loving land, to receive their salutations....
My spirit is now strong, and without fear I await deportation and catagora. If the government does not succeed in killing me with tortures during these years I believe I shall be free.