"If a fluff commences to get too moist around the lamps she should either plead a headache and slide for the curled hair or throw her drinks on the floor when the host is holding hands or exchanging quips with one of the other ladies in the party.
"Drink is an awful thing, especially the next morning. Thanks to Wilbur's teaching, I take a spoonful of olive oil every evening before I duck the hut, so I can sit in with the best and have the seating capacity of a bonded warehouse.
"I pray thee do not breathe these little maidenish confidences, for it might make hard feeling between me and some of my gentlemen friends I have had to get checked at numerous places of refreshment.
"Wilbur is so busy getting ready for the Friars' Festival that you can't chase a word out of him about anything else. Mr. Erlanger, Lee Schubert, Lew Dockstader and Fred Thompson have all kicked in for their boxes, and it is expected that a few more will realize the merits of the attraction and kick in this week.
"To see the paper they have had given to them you'd think it was the storeroom of the Bailey Show.
"I ain't saying nothing, but you just wait until those guys get through with the long-handled brushes. They are going to give Friar Green the job of tacking cards because he is quick on his feet. The big festival comes off next Thursday, so if you haven't bought your seats it's time to get busy. It will be the one best bet in the show line this season.
"Just think, Mr. Weber and Mr. Fields are going to appear together for the first time in years.
"Honest, I am so excited over the affair that I can hardly wait. Wilbur got two seats in the first row, and I'll be there with new frock on, my hair in a braid and my feet in the orchestra pit. Between the festival and the new clubhouse it's got Charley Cook running around in circles. And Wells Hawks is so busy doping out stuff that I saw him pass an elephant the other day without speaking to it.
"Harry Alward is working three eight-hour shifts every day, and the whole blooming gang have gone so noodley that they won't even stop to buy me a drink, and you can take it from me that when those guys overlook a chance to do something for somebody in distress something has gone wrong, or there is a big hen on.
"What was I talking about? Oh, yes. Have you heard the latest gossip? Alla McSweeney is wearing 'Merry Widow' cocktails on the outside of taxicabs now. That poor dear has to swallow a sinker with everything she inhales. And she always comes up bright and cheerful with her face to the pane waiting for the next one. I've seen her go under four times in an evening, and though a little pale she is always there with the chimes when the curtain drops.