M Y repulse at Hull seemed at the first view an act of so rude disloyalty, that my greatest Enemies had scarce confidence enough to abett or own it: It was the first overt Essay to be made, how patiently I could bear the losse of my Kingdoms.
God knows, it affected me more with shame and sorrow for others, then with anger for my Self; nor did the affront done to me, trouble me so much as their sin, which admitted no colour or excuse.
I was resolved how to bear this, and much more with patience: But I foresaw they could hardly contain themselves within the compass of this one unworthy act, who had effrontery enough to commit or countenance it. This was but the hand of that cloud, which was soon after to overspread the whole Kingdom, and cast all into disorder and darkness.
For 'tis among the wicked Maximes of bold and disloyall undertakers: That bad actions must always be seconded with worse, and rather not begun, then not carried on; for they think the retreat more dangerous then the assault, and hate repentance more then perseverance in a fault.
This gave me to see clearly thorow all the pious disguises, and soft palliations of some men; whose words were sometime smoother then oil, but now I saw they would prove very swords.
Against which I having (as yet) no defence, but that of a good Conscience, thought it My best policie (with patience) to bear what I could not remedie: And in this (I thank God) I had the better of Hotham, that no disdain, or emotion of passion transported Me, by the indignitie of his carriage, to do or say any thing unbeseeming My self, or unsuitable to that temper, which, in greatest injuries, I think, best becomes a Christian, as coming nearest to the great example of Christ.
And indeed, I desire alwaies more to remember I am a Christian, then a King; for what the Majesty of one might justly abhor, the Charity of the other is willing to bear; what the height of a King tempteth to revenge, the humilitie of a Christian teacheth to forgive, keeping in compass all those impotent passions, whose excess injures a man more then his greatest enemies can; for these give their malice a full impression on our souls, which otherwise cannot reach very far, nor do us much hurt.
I cannot but observe how God not long after so pleaded and avenged my cause, in the eye of the world, that the most wilfully blind cannot avoid the displeasure to see it, and with some remorse and fears to own it as a notable stroke, and prediction of divine vengeance.
First, Sir John Hotham unreproched, unthreatned, uncursed by any language or secret imprecation of mine, onely blasted with the conscience of his own wickednesse, and falling from one inconstancy to another, not long after paies his own and his eldest Sons heads, as forfeiture of their disloyalty, to those men, from whom surely he might have expected an other reward, then thus to divide their heads from their bodies, whose hearts with them were divided from their King.