Now for it! said I. Play no pranks. Conscience, did you say? No rubbish, if you please. You are too poor to support a conscience. You are hungry; you have come on important business--the first thing needful. But you shall hold your head askew, and set your words to a sing-song. You won't! What? Well then, I won't go a step farther. Do you hear that? Indeed, you are in a sorely tempted condition, fighting with the powers of darkness and great voiceless monsters at night, so that it is a horror to think of; you hunger and thirst for wine and milk, and don't get them. It has gone so far with you. Here you stand and haven't as much as a halfpenny to bless yourself with. But you believe in grace, the Lord be praised; you haven't yet lost your faith; and then you must clasp your hands together, and look a very Satan of a fellow for believing in grace. As far as Mammon was concerned, why, you hated Mammon with all its pomps in any form. Now it's quite another thing with a psalm-book--a souvenir to the extent of a few shillings.... I stopped at the pastor's door, and read, "Office hours, 12 to 4."
Mind, no fudge, I said; now we'll go ahead in earnest! So hang your head a little more, and I rang at the private entrance.
"I want to see the pastor," said I to the maid; but it was not possible for me to get in God's name yet awhile.
"He has gone out."
Gone out, gone out! That destroyed my whole plan; scattered all I intended to say to the four winds. What had I gained then by the long walk? There I stood.
"Was it anything particular?" questioned the maid.
"Not at all," I replied, "not at all." It was only just that it was such glorious God's weather that I thought I would come out and make a call.
There I stood, and there she stood. I purposely thrust out my chest to attract her attention to the pin that held my coat together. I implored her with a look to see what I had come for, but the poor creature didn't understand it at all.
Lovely God's weather. Was not the mistress at home either?
Yes; but she had gout, and lay on a sofa without being able to move herself.... Perhaps I would leave a message or something?