There is a Jutland variant of the story about Theodore de Beza: “I was driving one day with Niels Hundepenge, and we saw at a distance a woman walking on in front. Says Niels, ‘Peter, there goes a pretty girl; just see what a figure, and how she steps out.’ When we got up to her we found she was pock-marked and hideous. Then says Niels, ‘Now, my girl, if you were only as good-looking in front as you are behind, I should want to kiss you.’ ‘Well, if you think so,’ replied she, ‘you can kiss me, you know, where you fancy I am best looking.’ ”
Allow me, in connection with this, to call your attention to a peculiarity about the Latin word osculum. The first syllable os of course signifies “mouth,” the two last, on the other hand, mean the correlative part on the reverse side of the body. This circumstance has been made use of in a Latin anecdote about a married lady. An importunate suitor asked her for a kiss, whereupon she replied that this could not be granted, inasmuch as the first of what he asked absolutely belonged to her husband, but, as she did not wish to be too hard on him, he was welcome to have the last:
Syllaba prima meo debetur tota marito,
Sume tibi reliquas, non ero dura, duas.[19]
In modern times the ceremonious kiss of respect has gone clean out of fashion in the most civilised countries; it is only retained in the Church, but in all other domains it is practically unknown—so unknown, indeed, that in many cases the practice would be offensive or ridiculous.
Kissing the earth is another instance of such kisses that I shall quote. It plays a part in the old stories about Junius Brutus. Together with King Tarquin’s sons he journeyed to Delphi to consult the oracle. The answer they received was that the supreme power would fall to the lot of him who first kissed his mother. Brutus then made a pretence of stumbling, and as he fell he kissed the earth, our common mother. A few years after this, the royal family were expelled from Rome, and Brutus and Lucius Tarquinius were elected consuls.
People also kissed the earth for joy on returning to their native land after a lengthened absence. When Agamemnon returned from the Trojan War:
Stepped he forth inwardly glad to the shore of his well-loved country,
Kissing and kissing again his mother earth while the scalding
Tears down his cheeks were coursing, though his heart was brimming with blitheness.
Even nowadays people feel glad at seeing their native country again after long absence, but they have another way of expressing their joy, and, without exaggeration, it would be safe to assert that if any one returning from a journey wished to emulate Agamemnon, that person would undoubtedly be put down as mad.
We find in Holberg (“Ulysses of Ithaca,” or “A German Comedy”) a parody of the old usage, where Ulysses says: “Let us fall down, after the old hero’s fashion, and kiss our mother earth.” They fall down and kiss the ground, but Chilian gets up hurriedly and says: “The deuce! I don’t really understand the use of these ceremonies. Eugh, somebody has been here before—that I can plainly perceive.”
The old custom now only survives in certain sayings. Frenchmen use the expression baiser la terre (to kiss the earth), jeeringly, of a person falling; and the German, die Erde küssen (to kiss the earth), is a euphemistic way of saying “die.” I may add, for the sake of completeness, that kissing the earth still occurs sporadically nowadays in the sense of the profoundest humility mingled with regret. When Raskolnikow, in Dostojewski’s novel of that name, has confided to Sonja how he murdered the old usurer’s wife, he exclaims in his despair: “And what shall I do now?”—“What shall you do now,” exclaims Sonja, and her eyes flash: “Get up, go hence at once; station yourself at a crossway, kneel down and kiss the earth you have defiled, bow down thus before all the people, and say to them: ‘I have committed murder.’ Then God shall give you new life.” And, finally, when Raskolnikow has determined publicly to acknowledge his crime and denounce himself as a murderer, he falls prostrate on his knees in the middle of the market-place, bows down, and, amidst the laughter and derision of the bystanders, kisses the dirty ground with ecstasy and delight.