The Pandit served and the Master ate, willing but unable to rise from the feast, and eating ten times His usual food, in fear lest the Pandit should fly into a rage again and fast himself! After the dinner, the Master went back to His lodgings, leaving Govinda there to see that the Pandit broke his fast. Jagadananda sent Govinda back to rub the Master's feet, and put Him to sleep. But He again bade Govinda go and see that the Pandit was really eating! When Govinda reported the fact, then the Master lay down in bed in peace of mind.
CHAPTER XXVI
The Master's love-sickness for Krishna; His visions and transports of bhakti
The Master felt his separation from Krishna just as the milk-maids did after Krishna had left Brinidabán for Mathura. Gradually He began to break out in wild lamentations, even as Rádhá had talked in delirium on meeting with Uddhav. Ever did the Master consider Himself as Radha, and felt [and acted] like her. No wonder, for such is the course of divya-unmád (spiritual ecstasy).
One night when He was sleeping, He dreamt of Krishna in the rása dance; the god was bending his body gracefully and playing on the flute, wearing a yellow garment and garlands of flowers, and looking like the picture of Love; the milkmaids were dancing in a circle, joining their hands together, while in the centre Krishna frolicked with Radha. The sight inspired the Master with the same mood; He felt that He was at Brindában and had gained Krishna's company.
As He was late in rising, Govinda wakened Him; but He saddened when He became conscious of the real world. After performing the necessary acts of the morning He went to behold Jagannáth. He stood close to the image of Garuda, while hundreds of thousands of worshippers thronged in front of Him. An Oriya woman, unable to see the god on account of the crowd, climbed upon the Garuda and rested one foot on the Master's shoulder.
Govinda saw it and hurriedly pushed her a way, but the Master forbade him to make her dismount from His shoulder, saying, "Don't remove her. Let her gaze at Jagannáth to her heart's content". The woman, however, quickly got down on seeing the Master and fell at His feet. The Master remarked, "Jagannáth has not inspired me with this woman's passionate longing for him. Her body mind and soul are so absorbed in the God that she did not notice that she was treading on my shoulder! She is blessed. Let me worship her feet that I too may have her intensity of devotion."
Sadly did the Master return home, and sitting down on the ground began to draw lines on the floor with His finger-nails. Tears streamed from His eyes and blinded His vision. "Alas!" He cried, "after gaining Krishna, I have lost him. Who has taken away my Krishna? Where have I come?" In His trances He quivered with delight; but when He regained consciousness, He felt that He had lost His treasure, and sang and danced like mad, though He went through His bath, dinner etc. by mechanical habit.
The ten forms of love-sickness possessed Him day and night, never giving Him rest. Rámánanda Ray by reciting verses [from Vidyápati, Chandidás and Git-Govinda] and Swarup by singing songs on Krishna's acts, brought the Master somewhat back to His senses. At midnight they laid Him to bed in the inner room, and Rámánanda returned to his own house, while Swarup and Govinda slept at the door. It was the Master's wont to wake all night, loudly chanting Krishna's name. [To-night] noticing the silence within, Swarup pushed the door open. He found the other three doors [also] closed from within, but the Master was not in the room. They became alarmed at His absence, lighted their lanterns, and went out in search of Him.
They found the Master lying on an open space a little north of the Lion-gate of the temple. His body was 5 or 6 cubits long; He was unconscious and His breathing had ceased! Each arm and leg was three cubits long and consisted only of bones and skin. His hands feet neck and waist were disjointed from the trunk by half a cubit and the places of junction were covered with the bare skin. He was foaming at the mouth and His eyes were fixed in a deadly stare.