“Certainly, but a few pence saved on the butcher’s bill or the milliner’s don’t touch the difficulty. The house, the living—”
“But I would live in a hovel; I would eat bread and water—”
“I wouldn’t,” said he, with perfect decision. “And no more would you when it came to the point. Pray, Emma, be sensible. Don’t you remember that though I have complained of my expenses for some considerable time you have never ceased to hint and even to press for my having little Emma as an additional burden? I own I felt it inconsiderate.”
She was all humility and repentance; kissed his hands, would have kissed his feet if permitted.
“Wicked selfish girl I am! But it was only heedlessness, indeed. I have quite come into your way of thinking that she’s best at school. She can’t miss what she never has, and they’ll train her better than me. But, oh, Greville, I’ll write and tell Pliny I can’t leave you. No, I’ll tell you, I’ll take a servant’s place to be near you, or let me be your servant and I won’t envy the Queen on her throne. That way I’ll cost you nothing, but I’ll see you and that’s my sunshine.”
The words poured out, imploring, pleading, as if for dear life. He saw his way in that last speech.
“Emma, if you would but reflect. Has it not occurred to you that if you could become a great European singer and give me the opportunity to improve my position, money would no longer be our difficulty? Why will you not be calm and consider? Is all my teaching thrown away?”
It is cold fact that Greville’s conscience no more pinched him in holding out that rainbow hope than in any other part of the proceedings. If a child won’t take a necessary pill you smother it in jam and mislead it for its own good. That was the point of view from which he could not waver.
He had touched her there. Visionary, quick, eager. She saw herself a dispenser of riches, surrounding Greville with luxuries and splendours.
“You mean—Greville, could I? Does Pliny and you believe I could make my fortune? Then why, why, can’t I sing here and make our home together? I could sing at Vauxhall at Ranelagh. Why—that night—!” But his slight frown warned her that episode must be forgotten.