“On January 21, I began to write a confession of my sins, misery, and helplessness, together with a resolution to seek Christ even unto death; but, my business calling me away, I had no heart to go on with it. In the evening, I read the Scriptures, and found a sort of pleasure in seeing a picture of my wickedness so exactly drawn in the third chapter of the Epistle to the Romans, and that of my condition in the seventh; and now I felt some hope that God would finish in me the work He had begun.
“On Thursday, January 23, my fast-day, Satan beset me hard. I sinned grievously, and almost gave up all hope; I mourned deeply, but with a heart as hard as ever. I was on the brink of despair, and yet continued to fall into sin. In the evening, I went to my friend, Mr. B——, and told him something of my state. He strove to administer comfort, but it did not suit my light. When we parted, he gave me some advice which suited me better. ‘God,’ said he, ‘loves you, and if He denies you anything, it is for your good. You deserve nothing at His hands; wait then patiently for Him, and never give up your hope.’ I went home resolved to follow this advice, though I should stay till death.
“I had proposed to meet the Lord the following Sunday at His table, and therefore looked out a sacramental hymn. I learned it by heart, and prayed it over many times, and then went to bed, commending myself to God with rather more hope and peace than I had felt for some time. But Satan waked while I slept. I thought I committed that night in my sleep grievous and abominable sins. I awoke amazed and confounded, and rising with a detestation of the corruption of my senses and imagination, I fell upon my knees, and prayed with more faith and less wanderings than usual, and afterwards set about my business with an uncommon cheerfulness. It was not long before I was tempted to fall into my besetting sin, but I found myself a new creature. My soul was not even ruffled. Having withstood two or three temptations, and feeling peace in my soul through the whole of them, I began to think it was the Lord’s doing. Afterwards it was suggested to me that it was great presumption for such a sinner to hope for such a mercy. I prayed I might not be permitted to fall into a delusion; but the more I prayed, the more I saw it was real; for though sin stirred all the day long, I always overcame it in the name of the Lord.
“In the evening I read some of the experiences of God’s children, and found my case agreed with theirs, and suited the sermon I had heard on Justifying Faith. I called on the Lord for perseverance and an increase of faith, for still I felt some fear lest this should be all delusion. Having continued my supplication till near one in the morning, I then opened my Bible, and fell on these words, ‘Cast thy burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He will not suffer the righteous to be moved.’ Filled with joy, I fell again on my knees to beg of God that I might always cast my burden upon Him. I took up my Bible again, and fell on these words, ‘I will be with thee; I will not fail thee, neither forsake thee; fear not, neither be dismayed.’ My hope was now greatly increased, and I thought I saw myself conqueror over sin, hell, and all manner of affliction.
“With this beautiful promise I shut my Bible, and as I shut it I cast my eye on the words, ‘Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, I will do it.’ So having asked perseverance and grace to serve God till death, I went cheerfully to take my rest.”
Such is Fletcher’s own account of his conversion. His widow added the following:—
“I subjoin what I have heard him speak concerning this time. He still pleaded with the Lord to take a fuller possession of his heart, and to give a fuller manifestation of His love, till one day, when in earnest prayer, and lying prostrate on his face, he saw, with the eye of faith, our Saviour on the cross, and at the same time these words were spoken with power to his heart:—
“‘Seiz’d by the rage of sinful men,
I see Christ bound and bruis’d and slain;
’Tis done, the Martyr dies!