“You are innocent yet, my child,” said Mrs. Seymour, placing her arms around her; “and the early conviction of the meanness and wickedness of him for whom you were preparing to sacrifice so much, will render it easy to reclaim yourself from your present errors, and look with less confidence in future.”—“Never, never, will I pardon him,” cried Calantha, with supprest indignation. “I will not hate; that were too flattering to his vanity: I will not fly; that were a proof that there was cause for it: but, lowered to the dust as I ought to feel—humbled to the earth (and whilst she spoke, she looked and felt more proudly, more vainly than ever), even I can despise him. What are superior talents, if he who possesses them can act thus? Oh! I would rather die in torture, than ever pardon this.”
“Be less violent,” said Mrs. Seymour, with a look of heart-broken tenderness and affection: “that stubborn spirit must be subdued.”—“I will revenge——” “Be calm, Calantha: think what you are saying: how unfeminine and how puerile! Put off these frowns and this idle rage, and look reasonably upon your own conduct, not upon his.”—“Shall you ever permit him to enter these doors again?”—“Had I the power, assuredly never.”—“Oh, let him return; I care not; I can see him with the scorn, with the indifference he deserves. Do not look thus, my dearest aunt: dry your tears: I am not worth one single tear now; but I will act in future so as to silence even these too just reproaches.”
“Do you repent, Calantha?”—“Do not talk of repentance: I cannot feel it: my sin is light compared with his.”—“Towards your husband,”—“Oh! Lord Avondale, he is happy enough: he cares not.”—“Indeed he does, my child. I tremble for you: every hour of your life is a continual warfare and peril. One danger no sooner ends than another arises. Will you never consider the duties of your situation, or the character you have to form and to preserve?”—“Who is more loved than I am? On whom does even the world smile with greater kindness? Beauties, wits, the virtuous—can they cope with me? I am every one’s friend, and every one loves, even though they blame Calantha.” As she said this, she smiled, and threw herself on her aunt’s bosom.
But all this Calantha did but to cheer her aunt. Though not false, she dreaded any one’s seeing the real state of her mind: at this moment, she thought Mrs. Seymour too gentle, and of too tender a nature to bear the violence of her headstrong character:—she knew it would cause her misery were she to read her heart’s secret, and she smiled therefore and spoke with levity, whilst her soul was in torture. But the very moment Mrs. Seymour had left her, Calantha gave way to the rage of fury, and the despondency she felt. To have lost Glenarvon, was at this time the real source of her regret;—to speculate upon the cause of his sudden cruelty and treachery her sole occupation.
At the hour of dinner Mrs. Seymour again entered her room; but without a single reproach. She had been crying—her eyes were swollen and red; but she affected scarcely to remember what had passed, and urged Calantha to accompany her to dinner, as her absence on the day Lord Glenarvon was from home, might appear strange. But Lady Avondale stubbornly refused, and would not speak. She even appeared sullen, that her aunt might not see she was miserable. She even affected more anger, more violence than she felt against Glenarvon, that she might disguise from herself and her aunt the pang his loss had given her. She relented however when she saw her aunt’s grief; and, struggling with tears which never come till passion is over, and which she thought it weak to display, she dressed and appeared at dinner. It was alone to please Mrs. Seymour she had done so; and, solely engrossed with the past, and utterly indifferent to the mortifying remarks her melancholy and silence occasioned, Calantha hated those who had the unkindness to censure and judge her, and looked not upon herself with one sentiment of condemnation.
Towards evening Lord Avondale came to her, and said kindly enough that she looked ill. Then her heart smote her, and affecting a pettish ill temper, which she did not, could not feel, she replied that she was well, and took up a book, as if to read. May none ever experience the torture Calantha felt, when, instead of being offended, he gently pressed her hand. She had rather he had struck a dagger into her heart.
Upon retiring to rest, Lady Avondale sent for Zerbellini, and asked him respecting Lord Glenarvon. The boy was a constant favourite and playmate of his; he carried notes and flowers, from each to the other; and artless as he was, he already felt delight in the eager interest so much mystery and secresy required.—He told Lady Avondale a thousand anecdotes of Glenarvon; but he had told them so often that they failed to please. He then showed her the presents he had received from those who formerly professed to like her. “And did you ever shew them to Lord Glenarvon?” said Lady Avondale? The thought occurring that this might have offended. “I did,” said Zerbellini, with a shrewd smile.—“And was he angry?”—“Oh, not in the least: only the more kind; and he did question me so and then the boy repeated a thousand things that he had asked, which shewed Calantha, too well, how eager he was to ascertain, from other lips than her’s, every minute detail of follies and errors she had committed. There was no need for this.”
Lady Avondale felt indignant; for there was not a thought of her heart she desired to conceal from him. What she had done wrong, she herself had confessed without reserve; and to be thus cross-examined and distrusted, deeply grieved her. She thought, too, it lessened her regard; it gave her a worse opinion of Glenarvon; and this god—this idol, to whom she had bowed so low, sunk at once from the throne of glory upon which her imagination had raised him. “If I pardon this,” she cried, as she sent Zerbellini away, and hastened to bed,—“if ever I waste a tear, or sigh, or thought, on him again, may I suffer what I deserve.—But the thing is impossible.”
Lady Mandeville at this time was all kindness to Lady Avondale. She was going from the castle; and, as she parted, she gave her this advice. “Never place yourself in the power of any man: love of this sort is apt to terminate in a wreck; and whoever puts most to stake will be the sufferer.” Lady Augusta also departed.