I then told Lady Hester they had refused tea or coffee, but, as they were come from a distance, would probably like something more substantial: they had expressed, too, a wish for a glass of lemonade. Here Lady Hester, suddenly raising herself in her bed, interrupted me with “Good God!—lemonade! why, the maid said that the secretary had been to ask for some violet syrup for them: now, which is it they want? Can nobody ever take upon them to direct the simplest thing but they must blunder? must everything fall upon me?”—“Well, but,” observed I, “lemonade, or violet syrup, it does not much matter which!”—“Not matter!—there it is again: and then who is there can make lemonade?—not a soul but myself in the whole house: and poor I am obliged to wear my little strength out in doing the most trivial offices. Here I am; I wanted to write another letter to go by the steamboat, and now all my thoughts are driven out of my head. Zezefôon!” (ding, ding, ding, went the bell) “Zezefôon! order the gardener to bring me four or five of the finest lemons on the tree next the alley of roses—you know where I mean—and prepare a tray with glasses.” This was accordingly done, and Lady Hester, sitting up in bed, went to work squeezing lemons and making lemonade.
In my way to her ladyship’s room from the strangers’, I had called the cook, and directed him to dress a mutton-chop, to make a vermicelli soup, a dish of spinach and eggs, a little tunny-fish salad, and with a cold rice pudding (which I recollected and sent for from my house), and some Parmesan cheese, I trusted there would be enough for a hasty meal. Whilst making the lemonade, the following conversation went on. “Now, doctor, what can be got for their déjeûner à la fourchette? for there is nothing whatever in the house.” I mentioned what I had ordered. “Ah! yes,” resumed Lady Hester, “let me see:—there is a stew of yesterday’s, that I did not touch, that may be warmed up again, and some potatoes may be added; and then you must taste that wine that came yesterday from Garýfy, to see if you think they will like it. The spinach my maid must do. Dyk” (the cook) “does not know how to dress spinach, but I have taught Zezefôon to do it very well.” (Ding, ding, ding.) “Zezefôon, you know how to boil spinach in milk, and you must garnish it with five eggs, one in each corner, and one in the centre.”—“Yes, Sytty.”—“And, Zezefôon, send the yackney” (stew) “to Dyk, and let it be warmed up for the strangers. They must have some of my butter and some of my bread. Likewise give out the silver spoons and knives and forks; they are under that cushion on the ottoman, there; and mind you count them when you give them to Mohammed, or they will steal one, and dispute with you afterwards about the number:—a pack of thieves! And let the cook send in the dishes necessary: for I will not have any of mine go out.
“You must tell the travellers, doctor, and especially Mr. Forster, for he is an Irishman, that I have a great deal of Irish and Scotch blood in me, and no English. Tell him I have made great investigations on the subject of the origin of the Scotch, and could prove to him that they came originally from this country. Tell him how beautiful the Irish women are, and that I, having had opportunities of seeing some of the finest Circassians and Georgians of the harýms of great Turks here and at Constantinople, think there are none like Irish women.
“If Mr. Forster asks you anything about the Druzes (as he seems to interest himself concerning the religion of that people), say to him that the Druzes, the Ansàries, the Ishmäelites—all these sects—must and will remain a mystery to strangers. There was Monsieur Reynaud, one of the forty savants who wrote the great book on Egypt, and was afterwards consul at Sayda—if any body could comprehend the secret, he could; yet, although he had four of the Druze books in his possession, and five learned persons of this country to assist him in translating and explaining them through a whole winter, he could make out nothing: because, even if you understand the text, you are still not a bit the wiser. Suppose, for example, you open a page, and you find these words—‘Do you use senna leaves?’ which is one of their questions of recognition, like similar apparently vague questions in freemasonry: what do you know about that? You may understand the answer clearly enough, so far as mere words go; but it is useless unless you understand the thing of which the words are a symbol; for they are all symbolical. You must know that it refers to an insurgent, who, in the cause of their faith, raised the standard of revolt, centuries ago, in the land where senna grows, and that it implies, ‘Do you adopt his tenets?’ and so of other passages. The chiefs of their religion cannot make any disclosures; for, if they did, their lives would be the forfeit. Tell him they are a bold, sanguinary race, who will cut a man in pieces themselves, or see it done by others, and never change colour. Why, one of them, not long since, killed or wounded with his own hands five of Ibrahim Pasha’s soldiers, who were sent to seize him as a refractory recruit.”
Here Lady Hester, having finished making the lemonade, stopped for a moment to desire Zezefôon to take it out and send it to the strangers’ room. She then resumed, “Tell them, doctor, that no people will bear a flogging like the Druzes. The Spartans were nothing to them: isn’t it the Spartans that were such floggers? for I am such a dunce that I never can recollect some things which every schoolboy knows; and I always said I was a dunce in some things, although Mr. Pitt used to say, ‘Hester, if you would but keep your own counsel, nobody could detect it.’ But it is the truth, and when you talk to me of paper money and the funds (although I may understand for the moment what you try to explain to me), I forget it all the next morning: yet, on subjects which my inclination leads me to investigate, nobody has a better judgment. My father, with all his mathematical knowledge, used to say I could split a hair. Talk to the point, was his cry: and I could bring truth to a point as sharp as a needle. I divested a subject of all extraneous matter, and there it was—you might turn and twist it as you would, but you must always come back to that.
“The Druzes like me, and all the Emir Beshýr’s hatred of me arose from my friendship for the Shaykh Beshýr.[37] After you left me, I went to stay with him at Makhtâra, where he assigned me a wing of the palace to live in. He was a clever man, and afterwards, in his troubles, came to me for advice and succour: he offered me a third of his treasures, but I refused them. When he fled, the Emir Beshýr got about a third of them; an equal portion they say is buried: and the remainder was carried off by his wife, but afterwards lost. Poor woman! she is dead now. It was the attempt to relieve her, amongst other causes, that drew me into embarrassments. She had fled—her husband was a captive at Acre—and the Emir was pursuing her in every direction to take her life. The snow was thick on the ground. She had with her a child at the breast, one two years old, and another: two were with the father in prison. I despatched people with clothes and money to relieve her immediate wants; they found her in the Horàn, where she had taken refuge with an old servant. Her daughter also applied to me for assistance, but I was penniless, and could do nothing for her. Poor girl! she was afterwards married, but Ibrahim Pasha cut off her husband’s head, and she went raving mad. To complete the tragedy, Hanah Abôod, one of those I sent to look after her, fell asleep out of weariness, after having returned home on foot through the snow, and got an inflammation in his eyes, which ended in total blindness. The journey back occupied I think forty hours. I have been obliged partially to maintain the poor fellow and Werdy, his wife, ever since.
“Perhaps, doctor, Mr. Forster and Mr. Knox may have heard of the extraordinary conduct of the English government towards me; so let them know that I am not low-spirited about it; and, although the Queen may think herself justified in taking away my pension, I would not, even if I were a beggar, change places with her. As for the Queen’s interfering in my affairs, she might just as well go and stop Sir Augustus Forster’s salary, on the plea that he had left his tailor’s bill unpaid. My debts were incurred very often for things I did not care about for myself. For example, what are books to me, who never look into them? If I had been like you doctors, who tell your patients to take turtle soup, and then contrive to be asked to dinner, it were another thing: but my researches were for the good of others, and for no advantage of my own.
“When I think what I have done, and what I could have done if I had had more money! There was a book came into my hands, which the owner, not knowing its value, offered for my acceptance as you would offer an old brass candlestick. I consulted several persons about it; and, when all assured me it was a valuable manuscript, I scorned to take advantage of the man’s ignorance, and returned it to him, telling him when I was rich enough I would buy it of him. Ought not a person to act so?” “Undoubtedly,” I replied, “a person of principle would not act otherwise.” “Principle!” she exclaimed; “what do you mean by principle?—I am a Pitt.”
As I did not understand precisely why a Pitt should be above principle, although it would seem there is a species of integrity higher than principle itself, I held my tongue, and Lady Hester went on. “I know where to find a book that contains the language spoken by Adam and Eve:[38] the letters are a span high. Such things have fallen into my hands as have fallen into nobody’s else. I know where the serpent is that has the head of a man, like the one that tempted Eve. The cave still exists not far from Tarsûs; and the villages all about are exempted from the miri in consideration of feeding the serpents. Everybody in that neighbourhood knows it: isn’t it extraordinary? why don’t you answer? is it, or is it not? Good God! I should go mad if I were obliged to remain three whole days together in your society—I’m sure I should. Such a cold man I never saw; there is no getting an answer from you: however, think as you like. These serpents will march through the country to fight for the Messiah, and will devour everything before them.” Here she paused for about a minute, and then added, “I think you had better not tell them anything about the serpents; perhaps their minds are not prepared for matters of this sort.”
I have already observed that Monsieur Guys had mentioned, with some surprise, the serious manner in which Lady Hester spoke of these serpents; and, although he did not express it, yet he half intimated that he thought her intellects a little disordered: we shall see hereafter if they were so.