Beau.—Let us go then, old boy! I will try what a little flattery will do with them! I can say with Cæsar, I wonder what fear is!—(Aside) But my heart plaguily misgives me for all that! but in my circumstances I must change for the better; my money is gone; and as I never gamed, I cannot expect the club, or the waiters at the club, to make a subscription for me!
Two peers and a baronet applied to Charon, to ferry them over to Munster-house: but Mercury again interfered, telling Lord C——d that although he had been thought in the world not to have been sans quelque goût in the belle maniere, and had been an encourager of the Belles Lettres, yet as Minos only permitted them to come back to the world (in the present case) to do honor to superlative feminine merit, none but such who had paid a proper respect to the sex in their life-time could be indulged in that pleasure. But if he would burn his book (wherein he depreciates women, and considers them only as the toys of dalliance) in the fiery billows of Phlegethon, he would intercede for him with Minos. This the peer rejecting, his brother the baronet intreated to be permitted to go in his stead; but Mercury reminded him, he had pulled down a house built by Inigo Jones, and therefore could have no pretensions to taste!
Lord L——n was ferried over by himself; and after paying his compliments to Lady Darnley, returned; when the following dialogue took place in Elysium between his lordship, and the other peer above mentioned.
Lord C——d.—— Your lordship may believe that I could have no great pleasure in seeing a woman's follies: I was only desirous of inquiring what they are doing at home, or in America? Did I desire to punish an enemy in the severest manner, I would inflict nothing worse upon him than to oblige him to listen to all the follies in which he has no share, and to be witness to gaieties in which he cannot partake. My heart was never dilated by the amplitude of generous principles; nothing was ever interesting to me, but in proportion as it contributed to my own particular gratifications. Curiosity now however prevailed with me to attempt going to discover in what way they are going on, being apprehensive of the consequences of the measures formerly adopted. Whoever would deprive men of their natural rights, is an enemy to the race of men; and he that thinks it can be effectuated without universal mischief, is a stranger to the ways of Providence; the most invariable rule of which is, That nothing contradictory to its original laws shall ever be accomplished, either of a physical or moral nature, without bringing ruin on that people which has instituted it. How few are capable of distinguishing the good and pernicious effects which will follow the instituting a new law, before it is enacted! To remedy present evils, they make a law which brings greater mischiefs along with it, though imperceptible to their shallow capacities. No two understandings on earth are more different than a judicial and legislative; many men enjoy the first, who have not the least emanation of the second. When a law is to be founded, which depends on the first principles in human nature, there genius only can effectuate any discovery of truth; the mind must dart forward into futurity, from the principles which it knows in human nature: a genius of quite a different kind from that of distinguishing between right and wrong in any particular case. The first only can form the legislator, and plan laws of utility and public good, the latter decide of the consequences of them when they are made. The one capacity is the most rare, most excellent and beneficial blessing bestowed on man; the other to be found in almost all mankind, or attainable by habit, yet useful when confined to its proper sphere of action, and not permitted to rove, with the imagination of the superior few, amongst the regions of exalted genius.
Lord L——n.—— It is not enough, my Lord, that the English are a miserable, they render themselves a ridiculous people: And, after all the noise the brawlers make in the lower house, they only fight the battles, aid the wishes of the Americans, and exalt the triumph of the French! In private life it is reckoned a good expedient, for the sake of an easy, quiet life, to be patient and submissive under what are supposed necessary evils: but I differ so much from this maxim, that I am convinced those will ever be trod upon who creep; and that certain submissions derogatory to a sense of honor in an individual or the nation, never prevent the blow, though it may be protracted for a reason, in order to lay it on with a redoubled force at a time our strength is weakened, and that we are debilitated by our mortifications and a sense of the submissions we have made injurious to the honor of an individual or the pride of the nation. It is a mortifying area, but must have its place in the annals of this disgraced kingdom, whilst extravagance and every species of gaieties daily increase.
I am sorry to acquaint your Lordship, that the publication of your book has given in England the same wound to morality and business as the publication of the spirit of laws has given in France to the monarchical constitution. The English study nothing now but the Graces. Procrastination is the ton, because any thing abrupt is ungraceful. The increase of manners has always been thought as imperceptible as the hand of a clock, which though in constant motion cannot be distinguished in that motion. But your book has occasioned a more rapid change: your countrymen having exchanged the armour of Mars for the amours of Venus, their greatness of mind and magnanimity for trifling pursuits; and, instead of speaking forcibly in the senate, they whine a tale of love in the ear of their mistresses: having descended suddenly, like skilful musicians, from the forte and the pomposo to the pia and the pianissimo. Refinement will bring us back to barbarity—far be it from me to suppose such an event can happen suddenly; but in the course of a few years, I make no doubt, as a man in days of yore that could read had the benefit of clergy, so will a man be esteemed an able minister, or an expert negotiator of business, if he can write a pretty sonnet—or dance a good minuet.
Lord C——d.—— The graces, my lord, I still say, the graces for ever—and as to dancing, can there be any science more useful for a minister to learn—to figure out with a good grace, never to lose time, and not even to nod, instead of sleeping a century?[52]
Two other passengers applied to Charon to ferry them over the Styx, Homer and Ossian.
Mercury told Charon that he might carry Homer to Olympus, and place him with the Demigods; but he could not be permitted to go to Munster-house, for the same reason Lord C——d had been rejected: But Ossian had a just claim to that indulgence.