But wishing cannot bring them back, as we all know to our cost. The only thing to do is to learn our lesson and in the future to keep the mastery of self. “He that ruleth his spirit is better than he that taketh a city.”
If you have a quick temper, do not bemoan the fact, but be thankful. It probably means that you have spirit, enthusiasm, power to do things, the achieving will. Do not ask to change places with the sluggish person who lacks the capacity to feel keenly and to dare greatly. Rather, learn to control your temper instead of letting it control you. We do not admire a person who cannot get angry.
In reading the biography of a great man recently, I found these words: “He had the power of a great wrath.” Is it not true that all people who have accomplished large things have had this power? George Washington was seldom angry, yet, when his righteous indignation was roused, it was like a consuming fire. We all remember the story of Abraham Lincoln, who, when only a young man, seeing some slaves auctioned off in the New Orleans slave market, declared, “If I ever get a chance to hit that thing I will hit it hard!” And he did hit it hard. St. Paul says, “Be ye angry and sin not.” Christ himself more than once showed the power of a great indignation, as witness the occasion when he drove the money-changers out of the temple with a whip of cords. There are wrongs being done that should cause your blood to boil with indignation, and you will be not less but more capable of feeling and expressing your wrath at wrong-doing if you control yourself when small things cross you.
The acquirement of self-control is not so difficult as it seems. All you need to do is to make it a habit. If you only knew it, some of the calmest, serenest, most self-controlled persons of your acquaintance were once conspicuous for a high temper. “What man has done man can do.”
Self-will is a fault which spoils many friendships and is an element of discord in many families. It is a determination to have one’s own way. If one is persistent and disagreeable enough about it, one always succeeds in getting it, for others will not think the matter of sufficient importance continually to oppose. When we have this quality in youth, by middle age people are saying of us, “He is set in his ways, he is domineering, autocratic.” This tendency often shows itself in a determination to have the last word. Who has not at some time been in a family where heated discussions were continually arising out of some trifle? One says the thing in question happened Monday and another insists it was Thursday, until finally every one has forgotten what was the real subject of discussion. In the intercourse between you and your friend, is there one whose will prevails in every case of disagreement? Then beware. That way lies danger for both. In your family is there one who determines every plan and settles every course of action? Some one is in danger of becoming a despot.
If we would be good to live with we must not be too exacting. We all have the “defects of our qualities,” and this fault is one that often characterizes the person of very high ideals. We ought to be dissatisfied with ourselves. A passion for perfection should forever forbid any self-complacency. We ought also to demand the best of others so far as we may. But how far have we a right to hold them to the same standards as ourselves? We do not know the springs of action in their lives, “the moving why they do it.” Do not give your friends the uncomfortable feeling that you are continually disappointed in them. Good sense, sympathy, and tact are necessary if we would act the rôle of mentor to those about us.
The intolerant person is hard to live with. By intolerance I mean the inability to get another person’s point of view. We are prone to demand that others look through our own glasses; we think that any other point of view than ours is wrong. Young people are said to be, on the whole, intolerant. The tolerant spirit we often acquire as we grow older. If you are serious-minded, do not think all lively people frivolous. If you are gay, remember that not all serious persons are stupid. When you respect others, respect their opinions and try to see the reason for them. We need more of that kind of trust in each other. Not all the good people are in your church nor are all the honest men in your father’s political party.
Discourtesy is one of the enemies of friendly intercourse. By this I mean all that is not gentle, kindly, and refined. Rudeness kills affection almost as readily as does unfaithfulness. We should not neglect with our nearest and dearest those refinements and amenities which we instinctively practice with strangers, and which oil the machinery of life and make it run smoothly. Do you say, “But I must be myself in my own home. I must speak as I please and act as I feel”? Not if to be yourself is to act the churl; not if it is to blurt out every unkind thought that may come to your mind. Home is the place for dressing-gown and slippers, not for boorishness. It is a great thing to be able to win friends, but greater to be able to keep them.
“As similarity of mind,
Or something not to be defined