How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”
IX
CONFLICTING LOYALTIES
Some of the saddest yet most common tragedies enacted in life about us have their source in the conflict between duty to self and duty to others. Is it because of our innate selfishness that so many sermons need to be preached to us about our duty to others? Perhaps it is thought that duty to self is so natural that we do not need a great deal of urging or warning in that direction. At any rate, we hear much less about our duty to ourselves than about our duty to others. It is therefore not strange that some generous and over-conscientious souls should come to feel that when a conflict arises between these two kinds of duties, self should always sink out of sight. This, however, is not a reasonable view. While the words, “He who saveth his life shall lose it,” are among the greatest ever uttered, yet we must remember that He who spake them gave us also the Parable of the Talents, and was wroth with the man who took his one talent and hid it in the earth.
Many an earnest seeker after right is led to protest against a view of duty so one-sided. When one is urged to surrender self, to lose self, to care naught what becomes of self, one is led to cry, “But am I of no worth? Has God not given me certain responsibilities with regard to my own life, and have I not the solemn duty of rendering back the talent given me, increased as many-fold as possible?”
The answer to these questions is unmistakable. My responsibility for myself is one that no other can assume. St. Paul states clearly one of the best reasons why we have no right to ignore self. “For every man must bear his own burden.” If we cannot bear our own burdens, others must bear them for us. But it is expected that we shall do more than carry our own load; for in the same chapter we are commanded, “Bear ye one another’s burdens.” The inconsistency is only apparent, not real.
That self is not something to be effaced and trodden under whenever possible seems to be proved by the testimony of language. Let us examine a few of the derivatives of the word “self.” While some of these words suggest self-effacement, others speak in no uncertain tones of the dignity and worth of self.
Self-centered is a term of reproach, but self-reliance is a duty. Self-seeking is base, but self-possession is commendable. Self-complacency and self-esteem we despise, but self-control and self-confidence are admired. Who can respect any one who is lacking in self-respect? Self-sacrifice is a word that brings a glow or a thrill to the heart perhaps beyond any other; yet self-preservation is sometimes one’s highest duty.
Evidently, then, it is your duty to efface yourself and to assert yourself; to humble yourself and to respect yourself; to sacrifice yourself and to preserve yourself. At any rate, it seems clear that self is of importance and that we cannot be complete persons without somehow regarding self.