Despite these physical limitations, however, I am still able to thoroughly enjoy the mere sensations of the mountains by way of my eyes, ears, and touch. Here I can still derive a satisfaction… a feeling of solitude… which no other type of atmosphere can fulfill.
It is my opinion that only a brash fool could not love this atmosphere. …this is no place for hate… it is for life, emotion, and death and for the celebration thereof.
Sept. 2, 1982:
Here I sit, casually observing the transformation of summer into the cloak of early fall. It is slightly unbelievable that summer is now slipping away as smoothly as the wind shuffles my hair. I enjoyed the summer, but the time has elapsed from one day to the next until the days themselves are lost in a hazy dream. Had I only the chance, I would rearrange time to include the serenity which I now possess. I feel that my early summer was washed away in a blur of nervous, albeit necessary, activities; I remained uncharacteristically surrounded by petty occupations to retain a shred of sanity. . . so reved up was my emotional stability that I neglected, unconsciously, to step out of the race. I felt cheated. . . having so little time and yet so much I desired to accomplish.
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Chapter 30 Autumn at Augustana
"School was not a "given" in my life. . . I had no other alternative but to uphold a charade of normalcy. . .that gave my parents the right to hope. . . "
CHAPTER THIRTY
Autumn At Augustana
With summer drawing to a close, my friends slowly drifted their separate ways as the fall semester of 1982 beckoned and bid them to cast away the carefree mood of days gone by. I, too, readied myself for the new semester with apprehension; the purpose of continuing school in my state of health eluded me, yet I felt too weak to contest the arrangement. Drained from months of activity which depleted my energy and abused my emotional stability, I knew also that I had developed further symptoms of liver malfunction during the summer. Even the mildest days, with temperatures reaching no higher than 70 degrees, would cause my body to overheat; if I did not remedy the situation by chewing ice or removing myself from the location, I would sweat profusely, and eventually obtain a relentless headache and nausea. This symptom was altogether annoying and seemed to me a huge inconvenience, as I could not sit comfortably in an atmosphere which most people heartily enjoyed. In addition, I would tire easily and found it increasingly more difficult to perform the least taxing of functions such as rapidly ascending multiple flights of steps, without reaching my destination quite breathless, my heart pounding at an alarming rate.