As the spring to summer fades, so also, does the life mature,
Observing as the inky clouds derived of haughty restlessness
Recede into one's memory, to live subdued and quiet lives
'Til time denies their former flame.
The waxing moon of summer skies illuminates high-flying clouds;
The vessels of one's dreams attained, and hopes of liquid silver.
As summer dies, glamour wanes, and silver dreams to gold transform;
Shade not the sun from aging hearts, but bask therein and mark the glow
Which glimmers deep on ancient joys and even where dark shadows fall.
Despair not in autumnal gold!
In holding fast to summer's hue, beauty passes by, unseen,
And spoils itself 'fore winter's grasp.
Crushing life with frigid hands, winter heeds no stricken gaze
Which kindles in the youthful eye whose untouched life is yet benign
Unto the last, eternal chill; yet fear, alone, cannot impair
The misty sight of spring's new hope;
And though one life the snow enshrouds, in other lives,
Breath rallies still depicting seasons, fair and strong,
And promising life shall go on.
Lauren Isaacson
May 6, 1985
May 9, 1985… Mom asked if I'd like to give Sharon my bike because hers is so difficult to pedal.. I don't know…I hate to let go of it just yet. Some days I feel normal. Stupid, I know; guess it's part of my way of maintaining hope. Another idiotic drama! Yesterday I asked Mom to get some angel donuts. They were tarring the road, so she brought two twists from Jewel. I nearly began to cry. I felt like such a jerk; I have so few pleasures in food to look forward to; it just hit me!
May 10, 1985… I calligraphed a Mother's Day card, put a $20 bill in it along with a box of pretty soap for the big day.
May 11, 1985… I've read Jane Eyre, The Crucible, the four of Tolkien's, Catch 22, The Stand, All Quiet on the Western Front; most of them show human emotions in the raw.
May 12, 1985… We had a picnic; it was a beautiful today. Les brought me a dozen roses; they're beautiful, too! Jon called, but I couldn't talk long… problems, again.
May 16 1985… I wonder how much time, if any, I gained by having Chemo the first time around. I had no other choice, especially since it was thought to be a cure. I never would have it again. . . even if it did slow the growth. Living without sickness, caused by the treatment, is best.
May 17 1985… I get "down" in the mornings; physically, I'm at my lowest ebb; it affects my emotional stability, too.