In her own way I believe Tracy really loved Norm at first. Hers was a semi-possessive, urgent sort of love which stemmed from an undeniable inferiority complex. Never having felt herself to be good enough for Norm, the apparent loss of love (romance) on her behalf seemed to echo that feeling and guilt settled in to further subtract her self image. If Norm had been abusive, unfaithful, or otherwise intolerable, her failing love would have been met with sympathy, however, this was not the case. Because dying love reflected badly on her, it was necessary to procure a reason for her affair and she sought to find fault with Norm. As a result, Tracy's guilt was vented toward Norm with an argumentative guise, for if she could tempt him into a heated disagreement, perhaps her actions could be better justified.
Norm, however, detested petty grievances and refused to take the bait. This only served to further infuriate Tracy, whose ammunition had been dampened substantially. It was evident that her strategic moves had collapsed. Eventually Tracy informed my brother of her affair and said she wanted a divorce.
Norm had made a lifetime commitment which, until then, he thought was shared. The news was more than a slap in the face, it seared the heart and scorched the emotions, for trust and love were suddenly, unexplainably returned as if they were mere misfits, insubstantial and bereft of meaning. He loved her; he wanted no divorce. He wanted only to forgive and start anew, and refused to file any complaint against her. If she wanted a divorce, he told her, she would have to complete the legal paperwork; he wished no part of it.
A final attempt to save the marriage was made in November, which explained the haphazard flight that had earlier baffled us. It was a miserable mistake, yet one which was often enacted by desperate mates who, as they, thought that a honeymoon would revive faltering love. They returned soon after their departure and Tracy called my mom to ask if they would be welcome at the family Thanksgiving dinner. Norm, however, was the one who had made the pumpkin bread.
Norm was not the image of perfection; no one could be flawless in every sense of the word and remain a human being. It was unjust, however, that he had to sign his name to a divorce statement which was composed of falsehoods; at that time, no-fault divorces could not be obtained in Illinois, and it was simply assumed that the individual who sought the divorce was the one who had undergone mental or physical injury.
As if the court proceedings alone were not humiliating enough, Tracy continued to weave a network of deception around their entire relationship which touched family members, co-workers and friends. A happy charade was displayed for our benefit, complete with a story that she had decided to take classes at a local college. There were no classes, of course, although Dad once shuttled her to one, thereby using his ignorance and trust to transform himself and others into fools.
After the divorce had been finalized, she remained living in the same house with Norm for several weeks. The magnanimous proportions of marital collapse had reached our ears, but the full story was as yet untold; we never knew of the unpleasant facets which must have pervaded their last days in residence. The one shred which bears repeating was that on the final day, Tracy said she had a sore throat and would stay home from work, only to thread another deceptive claim into a tapestry of lies when she, with her lover's aid, moved out during Norm's absence. Upon his return he found the house stripped of all her possessions, including those stipulated in the divorce document, and the best of the two cars. It was easier to deceive than to confront; Tracy was never seen again, although a lone belonging mistaken for her own would occasionally find its way into Norm's mailbox. Things would similarly disappear without a word; the dog, whose purchase was Tracy's request, had not been taken in her exodus from the house. One evening, Norm drove home to find the dog missing. After a rigorous search, he returned home empty handed and without a clue as to its state or location, only to receive an explanation from a neighbor that Tracy had fetched the dog earlier in the day, leaving no note of her action.
Norm had never spoken to anyone during the trying months because, in his words, "it was such a mess" and he didn't wish to involve the family. However, the amount of information that had been gained afterward served to thoroughly enrage my parents and soon all of Tracy's good traits seemed to vanish from her character slate. Through her lies, many people had been wronged; moreover, the institution of marriage had been mocked and defiled before my parents, which further demeaned her image in their eyes. To have said that Mom and Dad were angry would have been a drastic understatement.
I, too, was deeply hurt, and watched the various pangs within Norm as the realities of the matter seeped into the crevasses of his mind. I ached for Norm and for myself; I hurt even for my parents. I hurt, but was not angry; at first it was difficult for me to understand my parents rage, because I had never seen in Tracy the venomous, fork-tongued creature to which she had changed in my parents' minds. I disagreed with her actions, to be certain, yet I knew she still possessed redeeming and benevolent qualities which had made her so likeable from the beginning. It was to her goodness that I clung, defending her before my parents with a vengeance.
Tracy was a sister and a best friend to me; I could not simply stop loving her. My attachment to her was deeply rooted, not merely because of who she was to me; she was the first person with whom I shared my feelings, thereby creating for me a closeness which I had never before encountered. For several months I fantasized about her, hoping she would call or write; I wondered if we could secretly meet and be able to talk, or go places together. Gifts which she had given to me became treasures, breathing life into her memory. My parents began to think that I had embellished her memory with an aura of idolatry.