Bird-in-Hand. Che-wee—che-wee—chewee—chewee—chewee! (The creature flies off crying like a startled black-bird. The Professor, seeing that it responds to voice and gesture, tries driving it)
Professor. Shoo! Shoo, get out with you! Scat! But no, no, I mustn’t do that! If I do that, I shall end by making myself think it exists. No, I must endeavor to dismiss it from my mind. There! There! Now it’s gone.
(Leaning his head on his hand, he sits with munching mouth, wriggling nervously in his seat. Meantime the creature, sliding alongside the table, and touching things tentatively with its claw-like fingers, lights on the typewriter. As the click of the instrument catches its fancy, it makes a scrambling attack upon the keys with accompanying noise curiously resembling the well-known saw: “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper corns.” That, however, is merely coincidence—the sounds it emits being merely a running commentary on the letter P.)
Bird-in-Hand. Peet-a-pipe!—Pick-a-peck—Pick-a-peppa-kum!—E-peet-a-pipe—a pick-a-pick—a-pick-a-pepp a-kum. Wees-a-peck, a pick-a-peppa-kum. Peet-a-pipe-a-pick!
(At this outburst of oratory the Professor, after sitting spellbound for a moment, makes a vicious flick with his handkerchief, and the green imp ducks and disappears.)
Professor. Well—I—hope I’m better! (This hope is almost at once put to rout. The Professor apprehensively snatches back his feet from the knee-hole of the writing-table, and his brain is once more seized by panic) Oh! I felt it! I felt it—I’m out of all my senses now!—If this keeps on much longer, I shall go stark staring mad!
(But now the creature’s interest is diverted elsewhere. Rising and pirouetting across the room, it comes suddenly upon the case of stuffed birds, and stands transfixed with astonishment. These frozen bits of bird-life seem to baffle its wits. It taps the glass-case, and after a close scrutiny tries with sounds and a flapping motion of the hands to coax the occupants back to life.)
Bird-in-Hand. Chich-a-wee! Chich-a-wee!—Tweet, tweet! Wee-wee-wee! Chick-a-wake!—Oh, why?—Tickle ’em up! Too-to-weet! Too-to-weet!—Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat! Quick, quick! Josophat! Josophat! Whit-a-woo?—Drink-and-eat! Tr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!
Professor. Oh! But this is horrible!—It’s true! It really exists! (He sits petrified)
Bird-in-Hand. Tr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!