These my father, humorously enough, called his beds of justice;——for from the two different counsels taken in these two different humours, a middle one was generally found out which touched the point of wisdom as well, as if he had got drunk and sober a hundred times.
It must not be made a secret of to the world, that this answers full as well in literary discussions, as either in military or conjugal; but it is not every author that can try the experiment as the Goths and Vandals did it——or, if he can, may it be always for his body’s health; and to do it, as my father did it,—am I sure it would be always for his soul’s.
My way is this:——
In all nice and ticklish discussions—(of which, heaven knows, there are but too many in my book),—where I find I cannot take a step without the danger of having either their worships or their reverences upon my back——I write one-half full,—and t’other fasting;——or write it all full,—and correct it fasting:——or write it fasting,—and correct it full, for they all come to the same thing:——So that with a less variation from my father’s plan, than my father’s from the Gothick——I feel myself upon a par with him in his first bed of justice,—and no way inferior to him in his second.——These different and almost irreconcileable effects, flow uniformly from the wise and wonderful mechanism of nature,—of which,—be her’s the honour.——All that we can do, is to turn and work the machine to the improvement and better manufactory of the arts and sciences.——
Now, when I write full,—I write as if I was never to write fasting again as long as I live;——that is, I write free from the cares as well as the terrors of the world.——I count not the number of my scars,—nor does my fancy go forth into dark entries and bye-corners to antedate my stabs.——In a word, my pen takes its course; and I write on as much from the fulness of my heart, as my stomach.——
But when, an’ please your honours, I indite fasting, ’tis a different history.——I pay the world all possible attention and respect,—and have as great a share (whilst it lasts) of that under-strapping virtue of discretion as the best of you.——So that betwixt both, I write a careless kind of a civil, nonsensical, good-humoured Shandean book, which will do all your hearts good———
——And all your heads too,—provided you understand it.
[ CHAPTER XVIII]
We should begin, said my father, turning himself half round in bed, and shifting his pillow a little towards my mother’s, as he opened the debate——We should begin to think, Mrs. Shandy, of putting this boy into breeches.——
We should so,—said my mother.——We defer it, my dear, quoth my father, shamefully.———