——The act of killing and destroying a man, continued my father, raising his voice—and turning to my uncle Toby—you see, is glorious—and the weapons by which we do it are honourable——We march with them upon our shoulders——We strut with them by our sides——We gild them——We carve them——We in-lay them——We enrich them——Nay, if it be but a scoundrel cannon, we cast an ornament upon the breach of it.—
——My uncle Toby laid down his pipe to intercede for a better epithet——and Yorick was rising up to batter the whole hypothesis to pieces——
——When Obadiah broke into the middle of the room with a complaint, which cried out for an immediate hearing.
The case was this:
My father, whether by ancient custom of the manor, or as impropriator of the great tythes, was obliged to keep a Bull for the service of the Parish, and Obadiah had led his cow upon a pop-visit to him one day or other the preceding summer——I say, one day or other—because as chance would have it, it was the day on which he was married to my father’s housemaid——so one was a reckoning to the other. Therefore when Obadiah’s wife was brought to bed—Obadiah thanked God——
——Now, said Obadiah, I shall have a calf: so Obadiah went daily to visit his cow.
She’ll calve on Monday—on Tuesday—on Wednesday at the farthest——
The cow did not calve——no—she’ll not calve till next week——the cow put it off terribly——till at the end of the sixth week Obadiah’s suspicions (like a good man’s) fell upon the Bull.
Now the parish being very large, my father’s Bull, to speak the truth of him, was no way equal to the department; he had, however, got himself, somehow or other, thrust into employment—and as he went through the business with a grave face, my father had a high opinion of him.
——Most of the townsmen, an’ please your worship, quoth Obadiah, believe that ’tis all the Bull’s fault——