"They must not notice the ravages that yesterday has made upon me. It is useless for me to try to sleep; neither do I feel any inclination to eat, but I will go and take a good cold plunge. That will restore me to my customary equilibrium of mind sooner than anything else. Then I will walk to Dr. H——'s office. By that time I will get myself into my ordinary shape. William, you told yourself some years ago that you were impervious to shocks; you had control of your nerves and body; now here you stand, trying to keep yourself from trembling, and unable, even, to eat or sleep!
"Wonderful power to possess! I congratulate you upon its possession! Only yesterday, you prided yourself in one thing that your colleagues did not possess—fearlessness of public criticism;—You have been as nervous as a woman, thinking what impression Merle's disability will produce upon the persons present at the concert.
"No wonder you are an advocate of inconsistency! You know no better example of it than yourself. You surely have more to learn than you thought."
* * * * *
CHAPTER FOUR
Punctual to his appointment, William was ushered into the private office of Dr. Harrington, which was a small, gloomy room barren of all beauty; a fitting symbol of the uses for which it was designed, as its interior was only known to those who were drawn there by sickness, anxiety or discouragement. With thoughts dark and grewsome, they sought this place in the hope of obtaining benefit or relief. Like being eternally attracted to like, such persons would be out of place where brightness or beauty or the fragrance of flowers or other cheerful conditions exist, for such things harmonize only with health and happiness, not with sickness and despair.
The doctor greeted William cordially, and with that punctilio that a man offers to one whom he recognizes as his superior. After a few common and casual remarks about the weather and kindred topics, the doctor remarked that William did not look as well as usual, and expressed the hope that he had not allowed a student's anxiety to acquire wisdom (followed by a rebuff) to cause him uneasiness.
"Not at all," replied William, "I have really thought very little about the experiment since I left you. Merle has been very ill, and I remained with him most of the night. I feel grieved he should be stricken just at this time, which is most inopportune, as I calculated to use him every day for a while, that I might finish the book I am working on. I depend upon his co-operation for much of the information I am putting into it, as I am compiling a series of personal experiences with him. Very likely I have used him a little too much, although I have tried to be cautious. As matters stand I think I shall be compelled to drop that work for a time, and give him a good rest.