"I am proven to be wrong by this day's work. Of course my pride suffered a little as the truth became apparent that my public teachings and deductions were erroneous, but I hope I am too thoroughly sincere in my quest for truth, by which I may help humanity, to permit any more than transient disappointment to influence me.
"Strange to say, there was not one other operator present who seemed to notice the great discrepancies between the assertions made in our investigations of mesmerism, and the proofs before us. Had any one of us been teaching a class of students in psychology, he would unhesitatingly have said 'subdue the consciousness of your subject, and he will intelligently answer any question you may give him.' We should have believed it too, but our science, faith and belief has not changed one iota the disappointing result.
"I realize I am entering a sphere of investigation where new revelations are in store for me. I rejoice in the prospect, but earnestly wish I knew precisely the conditions that would be most propitious to usher in the new wisdom. How gladly would I comply with them, even though they should call for much sacrifice on my part. I have consecrated my life to the search for truth, and I will conform to whatever conditions those powers who so zealously guard the realm of wisdom may demand.
"I shall never be satisfied to use any but the subject I chose myself for this experiment, as I am inclined to believe the minds of the others had been somewhat impressed regarding the subject before they came this time.
"Possibly I made a mistake in selecting my subject after all my care and deliberation upon the work. I know that women are considered the best subjects, but it seemed to me that a man's brain was better suited to receive and transmit scientific problems than a woman's; theirs seeming fitted especially for spiritual work.
"I confess I am at a loss how to proceed, but longer reflection will probably give me some clue to work upon. There is no use lingering over it longer now, for all new suggestions will come to me as the old ones have, unexpectedly and suddenly.
"I will take some recreation. Music always soothes and rests me,—especially singing. There is a renowned singer here, and I will go and hear her, giving my undivided attention to the witchery and enchantment of the human voice.
"I will take Merle with me; he needs the change after having been held so long in the trance condition. I noticed he seemed quite exhausted, and he felt sincere sorrow to learn that our experiment had not been a success, seeming to think our failure might be due in part to some defect in him or his development. I think differently and want him to know I am perfectly satisfied with him as a subject.
"He is a pure, clean fellow, one whose place it would be hard for me to fill. He is always ready to be used for any of my experiments, and every signal success has pleased him even more than myself. It is singular how attached he has become to me. He has unlimited confidence in my powers, thinking no feat too extravagant for me to perform. Every soul hungers for pure love, and his love for me affords me a degree of pleasure I would be loth to admit to anyone. Were he my own boy, I could feel no greater pride in him.