Josiah Slam knew when he had got his victim in a corner, and desperate to biting pitch; so without another word he fetched the I O U and gave it to Saurin, who simultaneously handed him two sovereigns and four half-sovereigns. The fellow took it with a chuckle, for he had never had the slightest intention of getting himself into trouble, which he assuredly would by attempting to make any use of that bit of paper. Call upon Dr Jolliffe indeed, to get a couple of school-boys, whom he had fleeced, into a shindy! Not worth the trouble for him, indeed. But it occurred to him that the threat might bring cash, and it had.
“Won’t yer come in and have something?”
“Let me out!”
“Well, if you must go, here you are. Good-bye, young gent, and better luck next time. And if when yer goes racing, yer wants—” Saurin was out of hearing.
“Bless ’em,” continued Mr Slam, junior, “I should like to know a few more like them two young gents a good bit richer. Well, they are about somewhere, if one could but light on ’em.”
Saurin did not return to Weston at once, but walked as fast as he could put foot to ground along the lanes and the highroad, trying by physical exertion to numb thought, and he partly succeeded, now and then, for a short time, but black care soon caught him up again, and brooded over his shoulder.
A voice which did not seem to emanate from his own brain kept repeating, “What you have done can never be undone; never, never. Not if you live to be a hundred; not for all eternity.” “It can, it shall,” he replied. “Only let me escape suspicion, and I will make it up over and over again.” “That would not make what has happened, not to have happened.” “It is only one act.” “Self-deceiver, you have been growing to it for years, your corruption has been gradual, and this is the natural result. You will go on now; each time it will come easier to you, until you grow to think nothing of it. Read your future—outcast, jail-bird.” “No, no; I will lead a new life, work hard, avoid bad company.” “Avoid bad company! I like that! What company can be worse than your own now?” “I will not sink deeper; no one knows.” “You forget; one does know, others may know, will know.” “I could not bear that; I would destroy myself and escape the shame.” “Destroy yourself indeed! I defy you; you cannot do it. You may kill yourself; it is not at all unlikely; but that is not destruction, but only the commission of another crime.”
This inward voice became so real to him that he thought he must be possessed or else going mad. Suppose it were the latter, and he let the truth out in his delirium! He determined to live by rule, to study hard, to be conciliatory, not to draw observation on himself. And to begin with, he must be getting back to Weston; it would never do to be late, and risk questioning.
The first time he had an opportunity of speaking to Edwards alone he said, “I have seen that man as I promised, and there is nothing to fear from him. I have secured his silence.”
“At what a price!” sighed Edwards.