Captain Hvostchinsky smiled at the notion of danger. “There is no danger, Your Majesty” he said; so, reassured, the Empress and I returned to the Palace. I went at once to see the Grand Duchesses. They were certainly very ill, suffering from bad pains in the ears; but they were pleased to see me, and I sat between the two camp beds, talking to them. After lunch I went up again, and presently the Empress joined us.
She beckoned me into the next room: I could see that she was agitated. “Lili,” she said, breathlessly, “it is very bad. I have just seen Colonel Grotten, and General Resin, and they report that the Litovsky Regiment has mutinied, murdered the officers, and left barracks: the Volinsky Regiment has followed suit. I can’t understand it. I’ll never believe in the possibility of Revolution—why, only yesterday, everyone said it was impossible! The peasants love us ... they adore Alexis! I’m sure that the trouble is confined to Petrograd alone. But I want you to go and see Anna ... she may also have been told this, and you know how easily she is frightened!”
I found Anna ill, and light-headed, and, as I entered her bedroom, I thought what a contrast it presented to the cool, darkened room which I had just left. Olga and Tatiana were so patient, they lay so still, and were grateful for any attention. This sick room resembled a “lever du Roi” in the days of Louis XIV. Anna was surrounded by a crowd of “sisters” and three doctors were in attendance. Madame Tanieff was there, looking the picture of misery, and Anna’s sister, who was almost hysterical, kept on exclaiming, “All is lost.” They had expected General Tanieff to lunch, but he had not arrived ... there was no news of him. What were they to do? General Tanieff entered in the midst of this confusion, breathless, and scarlet in the face. “Petrograd is in the hands of the mob,” he exclaimed, “they are stopping all cars ... they commandeered mine, and I’ve had to walk every step of the way.”
At this intelligence, Allie Pistolkors (she had married the Grand Duke Paul’s stepson) burst into tears and begged me to ask the Empress what she had better do. I promised to see the Empress at once, and, as the Grand Duchesses Anastasie and Marie had just come to fetch me, I returned to the private apartments with them.
The winter afternoon was fast drawing in, and I found the Empress alone in her boudoir. She could give me no message for Mme Pistolkors. “I don’t know what to advise,” she said, sadly. Then, turning to me, “What are you going to do, Lili? Titi is in Petrograd ... had you not better return to him this evening?”
At the sight of the Empress, so tragically alone, so helpless in the midst of the signs and splendour of temporal power, I could hardly restrain my tears. Controlling myself with an effort, I tried to steady my voice:
“Permit me to remain with you, Madame,” I entreated.
The Empress looked at me without speaking. Then she took me in her arms and held me close, and kissed me many times, saying as she did so:
“I cannot ask you to do this, Lili.”
“But I must, Madame,” I answered.... “Please, please let me stay. I can’t go back to Petrograd and leave you here.”