WHY THE SHY ARE AWKWARD
When a bride leaves a small country place to become the hostess in a large house in a large city, she is very likely to feel ill at ease and conscious of herself. Naturally, this makes her awkward in her manners.
Shyness is over-sensitiveness—a shrinking from observation. It causes us to worry about what others are thinking about us, and naturally it makes us morbid. Thus we are kept from appearing at our best, and in all our manners and actions we appear awkward and nervous. It is very necessary to overcome this fault if one wishes to mingle with people of the best society.
Orison Swett Marden says, "If you are a victim of timidity and self-depreciation, afraid to say your soul is your own; if you creep about the world as though you thought you were taking up room which belonged to somebody else; if you are bashful, timid, confused, tongue-tied when you ought to assert yourself, say to yourself, 'I am a child of the King of Kings. I will no longer suffer this cowardly timidity to rule me. I am made by the same Creator who made all other human beings. They are my brothers and sisters. There is no more reason why I should be afraid to express what I feel or think before them than if they were in my own family.'"
The great inspirational writer has shown you in this little paragraph the way to overcome your self-consciousness—the foolish timidity that is robbing you of your privilege of self-assertion, of your ease and grace of manner, of your very happiness. Whenever you feel embarrassed and ill at ease in the presence of strangers, think of the words of Marden. Remember that you are one of the children of the universe, that we are all brothers and sisters, and that you have as much right to assert yourself as any other man or woman in the world. And when you finally do overcome your timidity you will find that you have acquired a splendid new grace and charm of manner.
SELF-CONFIDENCE VERSUS CONCEIT
Do not have the mistaken idea that confidence in oneself, lack of self-consciousness, is conceit. As a matter of fact, it is much better to be shy and self-conscious than to be a pert, aggressive egotist.
The first lesson to learn, in your crusade against self-consciousness, is that you must not be ashamed of your shyness. That will make you even more conscious of yourself. Forget that you are shy. Or if you cannot forget, tell yourself that it is better to be reserved and modest than to be conceited and aggressive. Do not shrink from strangers, but meet them and talk to them as though they were your brothers, or sisters. Treat everyone like an equal, but do not treat yourself as an inferior.
Self-confidence is what makes success, whether it is in the social world or the business world. It was self-confidence that helped Edison with each new invention. It was self-confidence that enabled Madame Marie Curie, penniless and obscure, to discover radium, the greatest and most wonderful metal in the world. All achievement is founded on self-confidence—not of the aggressive sort, but of the quiet, calm, unassuming sort that is so easy to develop if one will only try.
Determine that you will no longer allow timidity and shyness to rule you. Assert yourself! And watch how your manners improve.