Book of Etiquette, Volume I

by Lillian Eichler Watson

No one invites guests to his or her home to make them unhappy. Therefore, if among your friends you number one whose worldly goods are very much less than your own, do not invite him or her to a fashionable ball where rich display will make him feel sadly out of place. Rather save the invitation for a quiet, afternoon tea. And on the other hand, if you are unable to care for the wants and comforts of several guests, do not invite them to house parties.

Be hospitable—but above all use good sense and good judgment before you invite.

THE GUESTS AND THEIR DUTIES

The fact that America is the home of hospitality and land of the most generous hostesses, does not indicate necessarily that the guest, in his selfishness, should take advantage of it. A well-bred, considerate person always seeks to minimize as far as possible the efforts of his or her hostess, and to make the visit or stay pleasant. She, or he, constantly endeavors to aid the hostess in providing entertainment. In short, he returns the hospitality of the host and hostess, with a hospitality of his own—a hospitality that, in itsconsideration and regard for the rights of others, is one of the beautiful things that makes life worth the living.

It is superb—this giving and returning of hospitality: We find a worried, anxious business man, forgetting for the moment his pressing affairs in the diverting entertainments provided for him by his hostess; in return, exerting every effort to contribute to the success of the evening, to join in the conversation when he would rather be silent and pensive, to be witty and humorous when he would much prefer being moody and despondent. And so it goes on, a constant giving and returning of hospitality, so beautiful and so inspiring that it is worthy of the stress given to it in the social world.

There are some paramount obligations which the guest must observe. Among them, perhaps most exacting, is punctuality. To keep others waiting, to be continually tardy, is to demonstrate one's rudeness and want of good breeding. Promptness in regard to the answering of invitations, punctuality in attending dinners, luncheons and parties of any kind,—these are marks of good breeding.

If one is invited to a dance or party and does not wish to attend without an out-of-town friend who happens to be stopping with him or her at the time—a friend who certainly cannot be deserted on the afternoon or evening of the occasion—it is permissible to write a cordial note to the hostess explaining the situation and requesting that an invitation be extended to the friend. However, no resentment should be felt if the hostess finds she must refuse the request; for she may have had to refuse some of her own friends on account of conditions beyond her control.

But no guest may bring to a party, dance or dinner, a friend or acquaintance who has not been invited. This is considered a breach of etiquette, and the hostess is not inhospitable when she does not invite that particular guest again.

The guest must conform in all things to the tastes and customs of his host and hostess. He must find (or feign) enjoyment in everything that is proposed by them, everything that is offered by them in the way of entertainment.

In taking leave of the hostess it is necessary to thank her cordially. Criticisms, either of the conduct of some other guest, or of servants, are poor form and should be avoided. The ideal guest is the one who has that ease and poise of manner, that calmness and kindness of temper, that loving and lovable disposition that makes people somehow want to talk to and be with him. Such a guest needs no set of rules—inherently he knows the laws of good conduct and fine manners; he is the boon of hosts and hostesses the world over.