At a meeting of army officers during the Civil War, one of them began to relate a questionable story, remarking, as if to excuse his lack of good taste, that "there were no ladies present." General Grant, who was acting as chairman of the meeting, remarked, "No, but there are gentlemen"—and he refused to allow the officer to continue the story.
What is a gentleman? The question is an old one. It cannot be ancestry, for often the son of most noble and honored parentage is merely a coarse compound of clay and money, offered to society as a gentleman, It cannot be dress—for surely Beau Brummell was not what the world loves to call a gentleman, despite his stiffly starched cravats and brightly polished boots. It cannot be money, for then many a common thief, made wealthy by his ill-gotten gains, would be entitled to the name of gentleman.
No, it is something that goes deeper than ancestry or dress or wealth—something that is nobler and finer than any, or all, of these. Perhaps it can be best expressed by this beautiful example of what true etiquette can mean:
Henry Ward Beecher, on a very cold day, stopped to buy a newspaper from a ragged youngster who stood shivering on a corner. "Poor little fellow," he said, "aren't you cold standing here?" The boy looked up with a smile and said, "I was, sir—before you passed."
The word etiquette itself does not mean very much. It comes from the same origin as the word "ticket" and originally meant the rules of court ceremony printed on tickets that were given to each person presented at court. But through generations the ideal of perfected culture surged, until to-day we have a code of manners that is the pride and inspiration of refined living.
LAWS OF SOCIETY
Etiquette, after all, is not the finished work, but merely a tool that opens the portals to a broader life, to a greater social happiness. Through its influence we are brought into close companionship with the really worth-while minds of our day. By faithful constancy to its rules we gradually mold our characters until, in our outward dignity and charm, the world reads and understands our ideals.
There is in every human nature the desire for social happiness—which is, frankly, in other words, the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be. And it is only by adhering to the fundamental laws of good society that this social happiness can ever be attained.
In observing the established etiquette of modern society it is necessary to pay particular attention to one's appearance, manner, and speech. It must be remembered that the world is a harsh judge and is perfectly willing to condemn us by outward appearances. In the street-car, in the ball-room, at the theater—every day people are reading the story of our characters and ideals.
Society has its own definite code of manners that must be observed before one can enter its portals. There are certain rules that must be followed before one can enter its envied circle. There are conventionalities that must be observed in requesting a lady to dance, in acknowledging an introduction, in using the knife and fork at the dinner table. There are certain prevailing modes in dressing for the theater and reception. To know and adhere to these laws is to be admitted to the highest society and enjoy the company of the most brilliant minds.