In the house, all signs of the bereavement should be effaced. The furniture should be placed in its usual order. Everything connected with the funeral must be out of sight. The members of the family should be greeted with nothing, upon their return, that would possibly give cause for fresh sorrow. A considerate friend or relative should stay behind to attend to these details. It is not enough to leave everything in the hands of the undertaker and his assistants.
But even relatives should remember that the bereaved ones will want to be by themselves, and that solitude is often the greatest solace for grief.
SECLUSION DURING MOURNING
For three weeks after a bereavement, women seclude themselves and receive no visitors except their most intimate friends. After this they are expected to be sufficiently resigned to receive the calls of condolence of their friends and acquaintances. They themselves make no visits until six months after the death.
While wearing crêpe veil and crêpe-trimmed gowns, a woman should refrain from taking part in all social gaieties. After the crêpe has been discarded, she may attend concerts, dinners and luncheons, and the theater; but she attends no large social functions or fashionable dinners until at least a year after the date of death. The usual round of social duties, including balls and the opera, are not resumed until colors are once again adopted.
A man does not observe the etiquette of mourning as rigidly as his wife or daughter; but it is necessary to mention here that it is exceedingly bad form for him to resume his active social duties, such as club dinners and entertainments, the theater, calls, small dinners with friends, until at least two months have elapsed. If business permits, he may observe ten days or two weeks of absolute seclusion.
DRESS AT FUNERALS
Those who attend the funeral should not appear in gay or brightly-colored clothes, in deference for the feelings of the sorrowing relatives. Women who wear simple, unrelieved black display an excellent taste although any subdued color is equally good. Gentlemen should wear either complete suits of black, or those of material dark enough to be suited to the solemnity of the occasion. Gray trousers with a black cutaway are permissible. A quiet hat, gloves and necktie are worn. Vivid colors, either on a man or woman, show a disregard for the feeling of the mourners, a lack of respect for oneself, and a distinct ignorance of the laws of good conduct. It is not a gala occasion and levity of any sort is atrociously bad form.
INTERMENT AND CREMATION
Etiquette has nothing to say with regard to the disposal of the body of the deceased. Whether it is to be interred or cremated, whether the casket shall rest in a grave or a vault or a mausoleum or whether the ashes shall be preserved in an urn or scattered upon a well-loved river or hill or upon some other chosen spot is entirely a matter of personal preference.