Book of Etiquette, Volume I

by Lillian Eichler Watson

CREATING CONVERSATION

We have mentioned conversation as being an ideal means of establishing immediate understanding between two strangers—or between a stranger and a group of guests. Let us consider first the best means to employ in creating conversation between two persons who have just been introduced.

Elaborate manner should be avoided. Simple words and phraseology are always most effective, especially when one's manner and tone are sincere. Brevity is also a virtue to be developed in introducing people. If a scientist and a student meet in your home for the first time, the student is presented to the older man. The host or hostess might introduce them in this manner: "Mr. Rogers, let me present Mr. Brown, who is making a study of social science at Pennsylvania University." Naturally, an introduction of this kind would lead directly into a discussion on science—and both men would feel entirely at ease in each other's company.

In introducing a gentleman to a lady, the same rule of mutual interest for creating conversation holds true. The hostess might say, "Miss Murray, allow me to present Mr. Smith, who stopped at the Palms last summer just before you arrived." Of course, the young people would immediately have something to talk about, and there would be no strained feeling of the sort that usually follows in the wake of a poor introduction. Or, if Mr. Smith is an author, and Miss Murray is very fond of reading, the hostess would say, "Miss Murray, I'm sure you will be pleased to meet Mr. Smith, who writes such charming fiction. You remember how much we enjoyed 'The Rose Garden.'"

A great deal depends upon the strangers themselves, whether or not conversation will move forward, but the hostess who has introduced them skilfully has certainly given them a pleasant opening.

WHEN TO INTRODUCE

"To introduce or not to introduce?" has often puzzled men and women of better society. It requires infinite tact, and also a certain keen knowledge of the world, to determine just whom one should and one should not introduce to one's friends.

This does not refer to home or private entertainments where everyone is an invited guest. In this case, the host and hostess make whatever introductions they deem necessary, being sure that a stranger is carefully presented to each guest. When the reception is a large one—a ball, for instance—the roof may serve as an introduction; that is, the guests may take it for granted that everyone present, being an invited guest, has already the endorsement of the hostess. Thus they may address and converse with anyone they choose, without trespassing any laws of good conduct.

If a lady passes two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, both raise their hats and greet her, but no introductions are made. If he stops for a moment—and it must be only for a very brief moment—he does not present his companion. Street introductions are bad form unless the little group joins forces and walks on together.

In the business world, introductions are made whenever a mutual acquaintance or friend is present. Business introductions are governed very largely by diplomacy, although the gentleman will make sure that his business introduction is just as courteous and graceful as his social introduction.