Book of Etiquette, Volume I

by Lillian Eichler Watson

There are certain obligatory calls that must be made, if one wishes to be in accord with the laws of etiquette. These are sometimes referred to as "duty calls." For instance, it is essential for all wedding guests, bridesmaids, ushers, and for the best man, maid of honor and matron of honor to call on the bride's mother within three weeks after her daughter's wedding. They must also call upon the bride as soon as she returns from her honeymoon. If the wedding was held at the home of a sister or other relative, the call is made to the lady who acted in the capacity of hostess. The guests at a home wedding, wedding reception or breakfast, are also obligated to call on the bride's mother, and on the bride herself, in due course.

It is distinctly important for all guests, both men and women, at a formal dinner to call upon the hostess within two or, at the most, three weeks after the dinner. This holds true even if the invitation was not accepted. The dinner call should be paid promptly; if a man or woman who has not accepted an invitation to dinner does not call within three weeks, the hostess has every reason to believe that he, or she, does not desire her friendship and hospitality. This same holds true of balls, suppers, parties and receptions. Not to accept an invitation, and not to call, is a gross incivility and reflects upon the good manners of the person who has neglected to make the obligatory call.

Duty calls are necessary after formal luncheons or breakfasts, and after musicales, theater parties, opera parties, garden parties, and after attending a christening. Such a call should be made within the two weeks following the event.

Other obligatory calls are made both before and after a funeral. The first call is merely a matter of card-leaving, unless one is an intimate friend of the bereaved family. After the funeral a call of condolence should be made.

A hostess who follows the laws of good society to the letter, invariably calls on a new acquaintance before offering her any hospitality, or before issuing any invitations to her. Other calls that are a matter of obligation are those of inquiry regarding a friend's health, of congratulation to parents on the birth of a child, and of congratulation to the young lady who has announced her engagement. All these calls are social necessities, and the man or woman who is well-bred never neglects them.

ABOUT RETURNING CALLS

It is of the utmost importance that calls be promptly returned. But perhaps the most exacting of all is the first call. To neglect to return it within two weeks, or three at the most, or to explain by letter why it cannot be returned, is to indicate tacitly that the caller's friendship is not desired. This, of course, is an extremely rude and inconsiderate method to choose, if one really does not desire to cultivate a certain friendship, for there are many gracious and less unkind means to employ.

A bride, or a visitor in a neighborhood, or a newcomer to a town, should not let more than ten days, or at the most two weeks, elapse before returning the civilities of their new neighbors. The first call of a new acquaintance should be just as promptly returned. After the first call is returned, it depends upon the individuals concerned whether a friendship shall be developed, or whether a "calling acquaintance" shall be kept up. (The expression "calling acquaintance" is used to indicate the custom of ladies calling upon each other once or twice during the year as a social duty, rather than as a means of developing friendship.)

When calls are exchanged only once in twelve months it is an indication that only a purely formal acquaintance exists between two people. But when two women are friends, they may exchange calls at intervals of three weeks or a month, and sometimes very dear friends exchange calls every week. However, in this latter case the calls are more or less informal.

Calls of condolence, sympathy, inquiry and congratulation are usually answered by sending cards or brief notes to the callers. Later, on issuing from mourning, or on recovery of health, the calls of condolence and inquiry may be returned, but it is not entirely necessary, and depends largely upon the convenience and individual desire of the person on whom the call was made.