And still I thought I loved and trusted him. But Oh, it was only a half trust. I did not lean implicitly on him; I still felt that I could do something to merit his favor; that something was expected and required of me, and I must do it.
And here let me urge all in the long list of climbers, to examine well and see if self does not intrude: if they are in truth willing to be guided and led by Christ; willing to walk in the path appointed, not idly, not passively, not sleepily, but with energy, doing all that can be done, always doing their best. Never giving way, going back, desponding, or denying Christ. Or, if they have denied him, like Peter repenting bitterly, and resolving as he did to be more energetic, more fearless, more faithful in the future.
The room was so still I thought Farden had gone out; but soon there was a blue line of smoke curling and twisting upward, and the subtle perfume of the “fragrant weed” was plainly perceptible. A little sigh, and Farden poised his cigar in true professional style, tipped back his chair, planted both feet on the mantel, and spoke again.
“I came here to study. There was no end to the plans I laid. I was to study every day and every night, and in a short time I expected to learn all that was to be taught here; then to college, and had little doubt but I should speedily distance the professors, and perhaps rival Humboldt himself. Instead of that I don’t look into a book once a week, except when I recite; and I don’t see but I get along just as well. If I don’t know it, I only have to pick out a difficult word or phrase, and say that it is not clear to me, that I do not quite understand it; and usually it takes so long to explain it that the time is up. We boys take turns in this game.”
“And you own to such meanness,” I said, as much excited as at first.
“They’ve no business to allow themselves to be deceived.”
“You neither deceive yourself, nor any one else. Your tutor understands it, and so does Mr. Harlan; and you know it is not right.”
“‘Right,’ again; of course I do. But I do not see the use. I shall never talk in Latin, Greek, or Hebrew; then why delve so many years over them?”
“Mr. Farnham said it was to make us think.”