If: A Play in Four Acts

by Lord Dunsany

The drawing-room at the Acacias.

A moment later.

The scene is the same as in Act I, except that the sofa which was red is now green, and the photograph of Aunt Martha is replaced by that of a frowning old colonel. The ages of the four children in the photographs are the same, but their sexes have changed.

[MARY reading. Enter LIZA.]

LIZA

There's a gentleman to see you, mum, which is, properly speaking, not a gentleman at all, but 'e would come in, mum.

MARY

Not a gentleman! Good gracious, Liza, whatever do you mean?

LIZA

'E would come in, mum.