“Always,” he said sadly. “It explains many things.... Sometimes I think that those of us who have lived since have had to atone for their sin. It’s all worked out in a harsh way, when you come to think of it....”
She guessed what it was he meant. She saw again that he believed in such a thing as sin, that the belief in it was rooted deeply in his whole being.
“Have you got the letters, Olivia?” he asked.
“No ... I burned them ... last night ... because I was afraid of them. I was afraid that I might do something shameful with them. And if they were burned, no one would believe such a preposterous story and there wouldn’t be any proof. I was afraid, too,” she added softly, “of what was in them ... not what was written there, so much as the way it was written.”
He took her hand and with the oddest, most awkward gesture, kissed it gently. “You were right, Olivia dear,” he said. “It’s all they have ... the others ... that belief in the past. We daren’t take that from them. The strong daren’t oppress the weak. It would have been too cruel. It would have destroyed the one thing into which Anson poured his whole life. You see, Olivia, there are people ... people like you ... who have to be strong enough to look out for the others. It’s a hard task ... and sometimes a cruel one. If it weren’t for such people the world would fall apart and we’d see it for the cruel, unbearable place it is. That’s why I’ve trusted everything to you. That’s what I was trying to tell you the other night. You see, Olivia, I know you ... I know there are things which people like us can’t do.... Perhaps it’s because we’re weak or foolish—who knows? But it’s true. I knew that you were the sort who would do just such a thing.”
Listening to him, she again felt all her determination slipping from her. It was a strange sensation, as if he took possession of her, leaving her powerless to act, prisoning her again in that terrible wall of rightness in which he believed. The familiar sense of his strength frightened her, because it seemed a force so irresistible. It was the strength of one who was more than right; it was the strength of one who believed.
She had a fierce impulse to turn from him and to run swiftly, recklessly, across the wet meadows toward Michael, leaving forever behind her the placid, beautiful old house beneath the elms.
“There are some things,” he was saying, “which it is impossible to do ... for people like us, Olivia. They are impossible because the mere act of doing them would ruin us forever. They aren’t things which we can do gracefully.”
And she knew again what it was that he meant, as she had known vaguely while she stood alone in the darkness before the figures of Higgins and Miss Egan emerged from the mist of the marshes.