“What do you think, then?”
“My dear girl, that I keep to myself, that I won’t tell you. But I, who, as you know, never think, I certainly do begin to think a little now. But I do not want to intimidate you, you know. I think it’s a very good thing, if what I think is true.”
Eline knew that she was referring to something which in her own mind was only just rising in very vague shape. She remained silent, and while Elise, who was still rather tired from the ball, threw herself on the couch with a book and was soon asleep, she sat down by the window and collected her thoughts. In the last few days she had thought little, she had merely allowed herself to be dragged along by a sweet tenderness which had overwhelmed her; but now Elise’s veiled words brought her to herself again. Yes, the case gave food for thought. St. Clare had dared to ask her to stay at home, and she had yielded to his wishes, and the thought that it awakened in her mind she did not dare to shape. Gladly as she would have yielded herself to that thought, she knew that it could never be, never. Oh, why had she not met him sooner? Fate was cruel indeed. She began to fear that she should have treated him differently, perhaps she ought to have repelled him with haughty coldness, with indignation at his interference in her affairs, neither should she have asked his pardon after she had once been cold to him. But it had been so sweet to bend to his will; he was so strong, and she found so much support in his strength. She had never imagined that he could have felt any love for her—ailing, weak, broken-down creature that she was; it was not right, he ought not to have begun to care for her, but now perhaps it was too late.
When, a few days later, she saw him again, he found her alone [[292]]in the large salon. Eline was seated in an arm-chair by the fire, whilst a furious wind was driving the snowflakes against the window-pane.
“I knew I should find you at home. That is why I have come,” said he, as he took his seat. “Have your uncle and aunt gone out?”
“Yes; I don’t know where they have gone. I believe to a sale.”
She had made up her mind to be a little distant in her manner, but his company was so welcome to her that she did not succeed. She said, “I am very glad to see you again.”
He smiled a little, and made a few remarks about the antique china which was scattered about the room. Then he continued—
“Soon I shall be leaving you for long; we are going northward viâ Cologne and Berlin.”
It was as if the breath were choked within her.