The notice was printed in the cynical capitals of blackmail; and she at once understood; she understood what that subscription of two hundred guilders a year to a scurrilous rag meant! But she also understood that, even if she sent the fifty guilders or the two hundred guilders that moment, it would be no safeguard against further defamation or extortion; and she did not know what to do....
She at first thought of concealing the paper from Van der Welcke; but she was so upset all day that, after dinner, when Addie had gone upstairs, she showed it to her husband. He grew furious at once, giving way to his naturally irritable temper, which he usually kept under control so as not to have too violent scenes with his wife. He swore, clenched his fists, walked up and down the room in impotent rage, longing to break something or to go out and revile the Hague, its streets and its people. To him also the printed libel—especially because it was printed, for every one to read—was a terrible disgrace, which he felt that he would have done anything to avoid. It also occurred to him to go to the office of the Dwarskijker and horsewhip the editor. And, without really knowing why or how, he allowed himself to utter that unpremeditated, illogical phrase, the phrase of a naughty child which does not stop to think when its temper is roused:
"It's all your fault!"
"My fault!" she echoed, vehemently. "And why, in Heaven's name? Why is it my fault?"
"It's your fault! You would come and live here, with that morbid craving of yours for your family. In Brussels, nobody knew us and nobody talked about us; and our life if not happy, was at least quiet. Here there's always something, always something! It's no life at all, our life here!"
"And you, weren't you longing to come back? Was I the only one who longed?" she cried, hurt by his unreasonableness.
But he did not hear her; and all his pent-up bitterness burst forth:
"I walk about the streets here every day, feeling as if every one were looking at me and pointing at me! When I go to the Witte or the Plaats, among all the men I used to know, I feel out of place, I feel like an interloper whom they don't want to own. It's your fault, it's your fault!"
"Indeed!"
"Why were you absolutely bent on coming back to Holland?"