“But if they would stop drinkin’ whiskey they wouldn’t die drunkards anyhow, would they, Uncle Bob?”
“Well, I dunno, honey; yer pinnin’ de ole nigger mighty close; de whiskey mout hab sump’n ter do wid it; I ain’t ’sputin’ dat—but wat I stan’s on is dis: dem folks wat I seed die drunk, dey nuber had no buckeyes in dey pockets; caze I ’members dat oberseer wat Marse Brunson had, he died wid delirums treums, an’ he runned, he did, fur ter git ’way fum de things wat he seed atter him; an’ he jumped into de riber, an’ got drownded; an’ I wuz dar wen dey pulled ’im out; an’ I sez ter Brer John Small, who wuz er standin’ dar, sez I, now I lay yer he ain’t got no buckeyes in his pockets; and wid dat me’n Brer John we tuck’n turnt his pockets wrong side outerds; an’ bless yer soul, chile, hit wuz jes like I say; DAR WAN’T NO BUCKEYES DAR! Well, I’d b’lieved in de ole sayin’ befo’, but dat jes kin’ter sot me on it fas’er ’n eber; an’ I don’t cyar wat de wedder is, nor wat de hurry is; hit may rain an’ hit may shine, an’ de time may be er pressin’, but ole Rob he don’t stir out’n his house mornin’s ’cep’n he’s got buckeyes in his pockets. But I seed ’em gittin’ ready fur dinner as I comed erlong, an’ you chil’en better be er gittin’ toerds de table.”
That was enough for the little folks, and they hurried back to the creek. The table was formed by driving posts into the ground, and laying planks across them, and had been fixed up the day before by some of the men. The dinner was excellent—barbecued mutton and shote and lamb and squirrels, and very fine “gumbo,” and plenty of vegetables and watermelons and fruits, and fresh fish which the negroes had caught in the seine, for none of the anglers had been successful.
Everybody was hungry, for they had had very early breakfast, and, besides, it had been a fatiguing day, for most of the negroes had walked the three miles, and then had danced and played games nearly all the morning, and so they were ready for dinner. And everybody seemed very happy and gay except Mammy; she had been so upset at the children’s torn dresses and dirty faces that she could not regain her good-humor all at once; and then, too, Dumps had lost her sun-bonnet, and there were some unmistakable freckles across her little nose, and so Mammy looked very cross, and grumbled a good deal, though her appetite seemed good, and she did full justice to the barbecue.
Now Mammy had some peculiar ideas of her own as to the right and proper way for ladies to conduct themselves, and one of her theories was that no white lady should ever eat heartily in company; she might eat between meals, if desired, or even go back after the meal was over and satisfy her appetite; but to sit down with a party of ladies and gentlemen and make a good “square” meal, Mammy considered very ungenteel indeed. This idea she was always trying to impress upon the little girls, so as to render them as ladylike as possible in the years to come; and on this occasion, as there were quite a number of the families from the adjacent plantations present, she was horrified to see Dumps eating as heartily, and with as evident satisfaction, as if she had been alone in the nursery at home. Diddie, too, had taken her second piece of barbecued squirrel, and seemed to be enjoying it very much, when a shake of Mammy’s head reminded her of the impropriety of such a proceeding; so she laid aside the squirrel, and minced delicately over some less substantial food. The frowns and nods, however, were thrown away upon Dumps; she ate of everything she wanted until she was fully satisfied, and I grieve to say that her papa encouraged her in such unladylike behavior by helping her liberally to whatever she asked for.
But after the dinner was over, and after the darkies had played and danced until quite late, and after the ladies and gentlemen had had several very interesting games of euchre and whist, and after the little folks had wandered about as much as they pleased—swinging on grape-vines and riding on “saplings,” and playing “base” and “stealing goods,” and tiring themselves out generally—and after they had been all duly stowed away in the spring-wagon and had started for home, then Mammy began at Dumps about her unpardonable appetite.
“But I was hungry, Mammy,” apologized the little girl.
“I don’t cyer ef’n yer wuz,” replied Mammy; “dat ain’t no reason fur yer furgittin’ yer manners, an’ stuffin’ yerse’f right fo’ all de gemmuns. Miss Diddie dar, she burhavt like er little lady, jes kinter foolin’ wid her knife an’ fork, an’ nuber eatin’ nuffin’ hardly; an’ dar you wuz jes ir pilin’ in shotes an’ lams an’ squ’ls, an’ roas’n yurs, an’ pickles an’ puddin’s an’ cakes an’ watermillions, tell I wuz dat shame fur ter call yer marster’s darter!”
And poor little Dumps, now that the enormity of her sin was brought home to her, and the articles eaten so carefully enumerated, began to feel very much like a boa-constrictor, and the tears fell from her eyes as Mammy continued:
“I done nust er heap er chil’en in my time, but I ain’t nuber seed no white chile eat fo de gemmuns like you duz. It pyears like I can’t nuber larn you no manners, nohow.”