I have long been satisfied, that, without a great increase of societies, it will be utterly impossible to satisfy the innumerable aspirants, for the offices of President, Vice President, &c., in our ambitious community. A sagacious, medical friend of mine, whose whole heart is devoted to the public service, and I am sorry to say it, to the injury of his wife and children, has handed me a list of several societies, for the want of which, he assures me, the citizens of Boston are actually suffering, at the present moment. For myself, I cannot pretend to judge of such matters. A publication of the list may interest the benevolent, and, possibly, promote the cause of humanity. I give it entire:—
A society, for soothing the feelings and relieving the apprehensions of criminals, especially midnight assassins.
A mutual relief society, in case of flatulent colic.
A society, for the diffusion of buttermilk, with funds to enable the visiting committee to place a full jug, in the hands of every man, woman and child, in the United States, upon the first Monday of every month.
A friendly cockroach-trap society.
A society, composed exclusively of medical men, without practice, for the destruction of sowbugs and pismires, throughout the Commonwealth.
A society, for the promotion of domestic happiness, with power to send for persons and papers.
A society, for elevating the standard of education, by introducing trigonometry into infant schools.
An association, for the gratuitous administration, to the poorer classes, by steam power, of anodyne clysters.
Let us return to the faculty. I am in favor of some peculiarity, in the dress and equipage of medical men. With the exception of certain stated hours, they cannot be found at home; and the case may be one of emergency. Van Butchell’s spotted horse was readily distinguished, from Charing Cross to Temple Bar. This was very convenient for those, who were in quest of that remarkable leech. A small mast, abaft the vehicle, whether sulky, buggy, chariot, or phaeton, bearing the owner’s private signal, would afford great public accommodation. There is nothing more nautical in such an arrangement, than in the use of the killeck, or small anchor, which many of the faculty regularly cast, when they are about to board a patient, and as regularly weigh, when they are about to take a new departure.