It was with an air of humility that our hero finally invited his guests to a dinner of which the fruit and coffee were by far the best part. Then they learned of his struggles, and together they laughed and ate, both gentlemen finally going to the train with Miss Russell, leaving the dinner table to stand until their return.
Here the writer will draw the veil of obscurity--referring you to Ed Nash for details as to what happened on their return--and leaves you to judge of the next six weeks’ doings by the dialogue that was heard the day following Maria’s return from the country:
“George, what is my garden-fork doing out there in the kitchen? It looks as if it had been burned. ‘You used it to broil steak on? You couldn’t use the broiler because the fat all ran down into the fire?’ You should have used your intellect, my dear.
“And this sticky stuff in the soup tureen; what is it? ‘You thought you would make a pie or two, but as the flour and water stuck to your fingers you ate the apples raw?’ A pie-ous plan, I am sure.
“And these dishes; why is all this China piled into these tubs and barrels? Upon my word, they look dirty. What’s the trouble? ‘Oh, you got tired of washing dishes, and it made your hands sore?’ You should have had a little more system, dearest, then it would have been all right.
“And this soiled linen? Why was it not given to the washerwoman, or sent to the laundry? ‘Oh, you kept using the clean and when that was gone you bought more?’ That was hardly good domestic economy, but if you have been buying so long you must have a good supply on hand, darling.
“How about the beds? I see that none of them are made. What! ‘You took turns, sleeping in each, to save the trouble of making?’ Well, that was ingenious, even if slightly tinctured with inertia.
“What is all this broken bric-a-brac out in the coal scuttle? ‘You attempted to dust the what-not and knocked the whole blamed thing endwise?’ George, your language is positively shocking, and is only equaled by your want of knowledge of some of the commonest truths in gravitation. You know that to maintain an equilibrium”--but here Mrs. Brown’s pretty mouth was closed by George’s larger one, who emerged from the oscular demonstration with a profession of profound respect for anyone who can run the household machinery with or without “system” and by bringing intellectual weight into it or leaving it out entirely.
TABLEAUX.
The tableaux will suggest themselves at the places indicated; and during the last part of the reading the curtain should remain drawn from “George, what is my garden fork doing” until he kisses her, while she points to everything of which she speaks.