Thus I reasoned, contemning the generation of his children, and wilfully shutting my eyes to the fact that the Lord nowhere in the New Testament promises exemption from sorrow, and the cross in this world as a reward for faithful service. There is no person so open to the attacks of Satan as a professed and enlightened Christian who is living in known and wilful sin.
The first effect of my aunt's death was to throw me more completely into the hands of Madame de Fayrolles. I was very unwell after the funeral, and indeed kept my bed for several days. As soon as I was able to be up, madame came to me full of affection and of caresses. She informed me that she and her husband were going to travel to Bath and to several other watering-places, and that she had arranged to take me with her. My health and spirits would be all the better for the change, and my uncle had given his consent.
"So you have nothing to do but to get ready, and we will set out in a few days," she concluded. "Have you an attendant, or shall I provide one?"
Now Mercer had waited upon me since my aunt's death, my own damsel having gone to a more lucrative place. She had tended me with the most devoted kindness, and I had become greatly attached to her; but when I asked her whether she would accompany me on my journey, to my surprise and chagrin she flatly refused.
"But why?" I asked.
"Well, Mrs. d'Antin, the truth is this," said Mercer. "I am fond of travelling, it is true, and I like you. You have always been a good young lady to me. But—I mean no disrespect—I do not like that French lady, and I like her attendants still less. Besides—"
"Well, besides what?" I asked a little impatiently. "Besides is always the real reason, I find."
"Besides, madame, I should not think it right," added Mercer, turning very red, though she spoke with great resolution. "I have lived too much for the follies of this world as it is. I know I have a liking for them, and am therefore best out of their way. Some words your blessed mother said to me when she was here, and I was waiting upon her, stuck in my mind and first made me think of something beyond this life, and my poor dear lady's death has been another warning to me about living for this world. My sister has a ladies' boarding-school at Hackney, in which I can invest my savings, and I can be a help to her in teaching the ladies to work and in looking after their dress and manners. She will be very glad to have me with her, and I hope I shall be able to do some good in the world before I leave it."
"Oh, very well," I said petulantly, "if you prefer teaching cross and satin stitch to stupid girls, and seeing that they comb their hair and put on clean linen, to attending upon and travelling with me—"
"I do not prefer it, madam," answered Mercer. "I choose it, because I know that I shall be putting myself out of the way of temptation, and into the way of doing good. Besides, madame, I am a simple unlearned woman who does not know how to answer for her faith, and to say the truth, I would not like to trust myself among a family all made up of Papists."