Finding, however, that even this agreeable prospect failed to move me, and that I was settled in my resolution, after two or three interviews, he bade me farewell with much kindness, and going to my uncle formally retracted his suit, saying that he would never wed an unwilling bride.
My aunt's anger was loud and voluble; my uncle's more silent and much more terrible. He said little except to bid me retire to my room. Here I remained till evening, without notice of any kind.
That night my lodging was changed to a bare attic at the top of the house, lighted only by a window in the roof, and furnished with a pallet bed, a straw chair, and a crucifix, with its vessel of holy water underneath. Into this cell, I was locked by my uncle's own hands, and here I remained prisoner for a fortnight, seeing nobody but my aunt's women, who once a day brought me a meagre supply of coarse food. I had but one companion—an ugly gray cat, which lived in the neighboring garret, and made her way to my cell through a hole in the wainscot, attracted, I suppose, by the smell of my soup. She shared my meals by day and my bed at night, and, I doubt not, sincerely regretted my departure. I have always loved and patronized ugly gray cats for her sake.
I was happier in this garret than I had been before in a long time. I had lived absolutely without prayer ever since my illness, for my repetitions of the rosary might as well have been repetitions of "Cruel Barbara Allen," for all the devotion there had been in them. But somehow my firm decision not to marry any one but my first love had brought help and comfort to me. It had been a step in the right direction.
When first locked into my prison cell, I had thrown myself on my knees and besought help from heaven to hold firm my resolution. That prayer had opened the way for others. I began to review my life and sincerely to repent the sins which had brought me into such straits. I saw and recognized the fact that the double-mindedness which had always been my bane, had in this instance lain at the root of my apostasy. I confessed the justice of my Heavenly Father, and was enabled wholly to surrender myself into his hands for time and eternity; and I received comfort, and even joy, such as I had never found before.
At the end of a fortnight, my uncle visited me again and inquired whether I were now ready to submit my will to his. Modestly, I hope, but certainly with firmness, I declared my determination unchanged, and was ordered instantly to prepare for a journey.
[CHAPTER XX.]
"YOU SHALL HAVE NO CHOICE."