“I would rather die than live after the destruction of such good people,” she said. “Also I would rather die than be in the hands of my enemies of England.” She paced the floor in great agitation after the visitor left her.
“How can God leave those good people of Compiègne, who have been and are so loyal to their King, to perish?” she cried.
And the thought came to her that she must escape, that she must go to the rescue of Compiègne. There were blows to be struck there that only she could strike. She must go to Compiègne. Jeanne was but a young girl. She could not realize that her allotted time was over. It is hard for one to accept the fact one is not needed; that everything can go on as usual without one, and Jeanne was very young. All at once the desperate expedient came to her to leap from the tower.
“Do not leap,” admonished her Voices. “Be patient. God will help you, and also Compiègne.”
“Then since God will aid the good people of Compiègne I desire to be with them,” said Jeanne.
“You must bear these things gladly,” St. Catherine told her. “Delivered you will not be until you have seen the King of England.”
“Verily,” cried the Maid like the child she was, “I have no wish to see him, and would rather die than be in English hands.”
“Do not leap,” came from St. Catherine again. “Be patient. All will be well.”
But Jeanne was wrought up to too great a pitch to heed. For the first time since her Saints had come to her she deliberately disobeyed their counsels. Going to the top of the tower she commended herself to God and Our Lady and leaped.