I have just got to bring this to a close now, if I have it ready as I promised, for the lecture, "Watch Your Weight!" I am glad of it, too. I am getting so ... funny it is painful. I will close with the next chapter. It will be beautifully scientific, but not funny, I promise.
Some Amendments
No. 1
You perhaps have noticed that my first chapter is called "Preliminary Bout," and then I have gone on to describe a club meeting. I am aware that P.B. is a prize fighting term, and I meant it for the picture of me fighting myself, not for the club meeting. I have attended many club meetings, and in none of them have I ever seen any fighting that would have taken any prize anywhere, although I will say I have seen and have myself personally conducted some very classy stuff.
No. 2
I do not use slang. I use only the purest, most refined, and cultured English. I leave slang to those who can get by with it and put it over. So where I have used dashes you may use your favorite slang words. Mine were deleted by the censors.
No. 3 (a)
Mrs. Ima Gobbler is not really fat enough to be called a fat—! She is only 40 or 50 pounds overweight, but she is fond of me and I took liberties with her. She is a darling.
No. 3 (b)
She is a purist, too. I called her up after I put her in my book, and I said, "You are fond of me, aren't you, Mrs. Gobbler?" And she said, "Youbetcha." "And you are a good sport, aren't you?" "Surest thing you know!" "That's good, for I have said a horrid thing to you. I had to, in order to stop the club discussion." And she responded soulfully, "Go to it, Kid!"