“I want to ask your opinion on a matter of etiquette. I am engaged to be married, and, of course, my lover spends every evening with me. The other night an old friend called whom I had not seen for several years, and with whom I enjoyed chatting very much. My fiance was almost ungentlemanly, he showed his jealousy so plainly whenever I addressed a remark to my caller. Afterwards I remonstrated with him, and he said I had no right to even talk to other men. Was I wrong in trying to make myself agreeable to an old friend?”
There is nothing in the world that leads to so much unhappiness as unreasoning jealousy. If a woman who has pledged herself to a man deliberately flirts with others her fiance certainly has cause for jealousy; but in your case this was not so. A man who will become jealous at a sociable, harmless conversation will become jealous without any cause whatever, and will probably make his wife miserable through that very trait in his character. We all need more or less variety in this stupid old world, and the fact that you are an agreeable hostess to others does not give your lover or husband any reason for unjust suspicions. You will do well to have this plainly understood before you marry him.
“I guess you are tired of hearing about other people’s troubles, but perhaps you can find a few minutes for me, for I am certainly in great trouble. I am deeply in love with a young man whom I know thinks more of me than he does of any one else, but who enjoys going around with other girls, and who says frankly that he will never marry. Now, I don’t care a bit for any one else, and I am never happy unless he is with me. What can I do to gain his entire affection?”
We would not advise you to spend your time trying to gain his entire affection. There is an old saying about “wasting your sweetness on the desert air” that would seem to apply in your case. Why should you spend your time trying to cultivate in this one man’s heart an affection for you? There are lots of worthy men in the world, and you will discover them some day. The best advice we can give you is to cultivate the society of every man you know and try and discover his good points. Then you will not find the society of one man so indispensable to your happiness. Preserve your own self-respect and you will not go far wrong. Don’t try to make people think something of you when they evidently do not wish to do so.
“My mother scolds me harshly for allowing young men to kiss me and place their arms about my waist. We are spending the summer at the seashore and all the boys and girls carry on more or less. Is mother right or is she only old-fashioned and prudish, as the other girls say?”
We think this is one of the saddest letters we ever read. Any girl ought to know that her mother’s actions are for her good, and that her mother has her child’s interest at heart even more than her husband’s. We are sorry that you thought it necessary to ask our advice, but since you have you shall have it.
Laxity in manners is never excusable because one is at the seashore or mountains any more than if one was on Broadway. You would not let one of the boys kiss and embrace you on the corner of Broadway and Twenty-third street, would you? Well, you want to preserve your dignity just the same at the seashore. The boys may make fun of you for a day or two, but they will respect you a good deal more than they do the girls that forget to respect themselves. This is not being prudish or old-fashioned—it is simply being womanly.