In order to teach children the right sort of politeness, it must be taught through the agency of a pure motive. They should not be taught to observe and respect the feelings of others for the sake of making themselves pleasing, but merely because it is kind and benevolent to do so.
If I saw a child point out the patched or ragged garment of a poor companion, I would not say, ‘You must not laugh at her clothes; if you do, she will think you are proud’—I would say, ‘It grieves me very much to see you so unkind. If your mother were poor, and could not afford to get you new clothes, would it not hurt your feelings to be laughed at? Does not the Bible tell you to do to others as you would wish to have them do to you? You must observe this precious rule in little things, as well as in great things.’
From the foregoing hints, it will be seen that true politeness is the spontaneous movement of a good heart and an observing mind. Benevolence will teach us tenderness towards the feelings of others, and habits of observation will enable us to judge promptly and easily what those feelings are.
Outward politeness can be learned in set forms at school; but at the best, it will be hollow and deceptive. Genuine politeness, like everything else that is genuine, must come from the heart.
FOOTNOTES:
[3] Pliny, who gave this advice, lived long before the invention of printing; if such a precaution were necessary then, what would he say now?
[4] When the president has no wife, or daughter, at Washington, the lady of the highest officer in the cabinet presides at the mansion on all state occasions.
CHAP. IX.
BEAUTY.—DRESS.—GENTILITY.
Wherever there is hypocrisy, or an apparent necessity for hypocrisy, there is something wrong. In the management of children, are we sincere on the subject of beauty? When we see a handsome person, or a handsome animal, they hear us eagerly exclaim, ‘Oh, how beautiful!’ ‘What a lovely creature!’ ‘What pretty eyes!’ ‘What a sweet mouth!’ &c. Yet when children say anything about beauty, we tell them it is of no value at all—that they must not think anything about beauty—‘handsome is that handsome does,’ &c.
The influence would be very contradictory, did not the eagerness of our exclamations and the coldness of our moral lessons both tend to the same result; they both give children an idea that the subject is of great importance. ‘Mother tells me beauty is of no consequence, because she thinks I shall be vain; but I am sure she and everybody else seem to think it is of consequence,’ said a shrewd little girl of ten years old.