Since then what slow agonies of apprehension—what self-abasement before the daughter whom he met for the first time as his daughter, face to face! What terror lest the woman whom his perfidy had driven to madness and to crime should be called upon to answer to the law for that crime—while England should ring with the story of his treachery, and his hidden sin! He felt as if he had lived through half a lifetime of shame and agony between the vivid light of the August morning and the cool grey shadows of the August night. He leant back in his corner of the cosy little brougham, pale and dumb, a worn-out man, and his friend the physician respected his silence.
“Will you come home and dine with me, Cheriton?” said Dr. Mainwaring, as they crossed the bridge. “It may be pleasanter for you than the solitude of your own rooms.”
“You are very good. No, I am not fit for society, not even for yours. I am deeply indebted to you—I feel that you are indeed my friend—and that you will do all that can be done to make that broken life yonder endurable.”
“You may be sure of that. I would do as much were Mrs. Porter a nameless waif whom I had found by the road side; but as your friend she will have an unceasing interest for me. Shall you stay long enough in town to be able to spare time to go and see her at the Grange?”
“No, I must go back to Dorsetshire to-morrow. I doubt if I shall ever see her again. Accept that fact as the strongest proof of my confidence in you. Had I any doubt as to her treatment I would see her from time to time, at whatever cost of pain to myself.”
“There is nothing but pain, then, in your present feeling about that poor lady?”
“Nothing but pain.”
“And yet—forgive me if I touch an old wound—I think you must once have loved her?”
The shadows were deepening, the lamps shone with faint yellow light upon the grey stone parapet, and the interior of the carriage was very dark. Perhaps it was the darkness which emboldened Dr. Mainwaring to push his inquiry to this point.
“You are right,” his friend answered slowly. “I loved her once.”