A banquet (סעודת נישואין) follows, which is a סעודת מצוה. It is introduced by the usual berachah (המוציא), and followed by Grace and the “Seven Blessings.”
The following are a few of the various customs connected with a Jewish marriage without being essential elements of the marriage ceremony:—
(1.) On the Sabbath previous to the wedding-day the bridegroom, his father, and the father of the bride are called up to the Law, and offerings are made (mi shebberach) in honour of the bride and the bridegroom. In some congregations Gen. xxiv. is read after the Service, on the morning of the wedding-day.
(2.) Bride and bridegroom enter upon a new life; the wedding-day is to them a day of rejoicing, but also a day of great solemnity. It is kept as a day of earnest reflections, of prayer and fasting, till after [[487]]the ceremony, when the fast is broken and the rejoicing begins. The bridegroom adds in the Minchah amidah the Confession (ודוי) of the Day of Atonement.
(3.) The good wishes of friends and relatives are variously expressed. Rice, wheat, or similar things are thrown over the bride and the bridegroom as a symbol of abundance and fruitfulness.
(4.) The feast is accompanied by speeches in praise of the bride and bridegroom; it was considered a special merit to speak on such an occasion (אגרא דהלולא מילי, Babyl. Talm., Berachoth 6b). The bridegroom used to give a discourse (דרשה) on some Talmudical theme, if he was able to do so. He received presents for it (derashah-presents).
(5.) In the time of the Bible and the Talmud the feasting lasted seven days.—The first day after the wedding used to be distinguished by a fish dinner (סעודת דגים), in allusion to Gen. xlviii. 16.
In spite of all blessings and good wishes the marriage sometimes proves a failure, husband and wife being a source of trouble and misery the one to the other, instead of being the cause of each other’s happiness. In such a case a divorce may take place, and man and wife separate from each other. Divorce is permitted (Deut. xxiv. 1–4), but not encouraged; it is an evil, but the lesser of two evils. A written document was required (ספר כריתות, גט), and later legislation made the writing and the delivery of the document difficult and protracted, in order to facilitate attempts at reconciliation; the fulfilment of the conditions agreed upon in the kethubhah also tended to [[488]]render divorce a rare event. The number of cases of divorce among the Jews is therefore comparatively smaller than among other denominations, but still unfortunately far too large, owing to want of foresight and reflection in the choice of a companion for life.
There is a kind of obligatory marriage (יבום) and or obligatory divorce (חליצה), viz., with regard to the widow of a deceased brother who has died without issue (Deut. xxv. 5–10). Since the abolition of polygamy[174] by Rabbenu Gershom (eleventh century) the obligatory marriage has almost disappeared, and the obligatory divorce (חליצה) must take place before the widow can marry again.[175]
We acknowledge the principle laid down in the Talmud, “The law of the country is binding upon us” (דינא דמלכותא דינא), but only in so far as our civil relations are concerned. With regard to religious questions our own religious code must be obeyed. Marriage laws include two elements—civil relations and religious duties. As regards the former, we abide by the decisions of the civil courts of the country. We must, therefore, not solemnise a marriage which the law of the country would not recognise; we must not religiously dissolve a marriage by גט, unless the civil courts of law have already decreed the divorce. On the other hand, we must not content ourselves [[489]]with civil marriage or civil divorce; religiously, neither civil marriage nor civil divorce can be recognised unless supplemented by marriage or divorce according to religious forms. Furthermore, marriages allowed by the civil law, but prohibited by our religious law—e.g., mixed marriages; that is, marriages between Jews and non-Jews—cannot be recognised before the tribunal of our Religion; such alliances are sinful, and the issue of such alliances must be treated as illegitimate. Those who love their Religion and have the well-being of Judaism at heart will do their utmost to prevent the increase of mixed marriages.